Building Healthy Relationships & Cultivating Community -36
This week is a very special episode of the Marli Williams Podcast, where my amazing girlfriend, Liz Patail joins us to celebrate our 1-year anniversary with an open-hearted conversation that touches on the foundations of how to build a healthy relationship. From our unforgettable first meeting at an amazing event called Art in the Dark in Portland, to the moments of vulnerability and strength that have shaped our connection, this episode is a treasure trove of insights. Liz, a PACU nurse at the VA and a passionate creator, shares how intentional friendships and personal growth play critical roles in her life. Tune in to hear about the importance of authenticity, maintaining autonomy in partnership, and the power of stepping out of your comfort zone at social events to find love or make connections. Don’t miss out on some hot tips about being genuinely present and filling up those emotional bank accounts in all your relationships. This episode is perfect for anyone seeking inspiration and insights on building healthy relationships, self-improvement, and the art of staying authentic.
Transcript
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Marli Williams [:Everybody. What is happening? I am super stoked to welcome you back to The Marli Williams podcast where this week, oh my goodness, you are in for a treat. Liz Patail, my amazing girlfriend and sweetheart, has decided to join us on the podcast to celebrate our 1 year anniversary where we are going to pull back the curtain on how we met, our first date, what we've learned over the past year in our relationship, and how to cultivate meaningful connections with your friends and with your partners and to be magnetic and call in your love and to put yourself out there to be courageous, and we cannot wait for you to listen to this really, really special love anniversary episode on the Marli Williams podcast. Let's dive in. Hey, everyone. What's happening? I am super stoked to welcome you to the Marli Williams podcast where we will explore authentic leadership, transformational facilitation, and how to create epic experiences for your audiences every single time. I am your host, Marli Williams, bringing you thought provoking insights, expert interviews, and actionable strategies to unlock your potential as a leader, facilitator, and speaker. Thank you for joining me on this journey of growth, transformation, and impact.
Marli Williams [:Let's lead together. The Marli Williams podcast begins now. Let's dive in. Well, hey, everyone. What is happening? I am super stoked to welcome you back to the Marli Williams podcast for a very special anniversary episode with my beautiful girlfriend, Liz Patail. So if you have not yet met her, here she is. If you're watching this, you're listening. I know you are, because it's a podcast.
Marli Williams [:But, Liz, welcome to the podcast.
Liz [:Thank you.
Marli Williams [:I know that it can be vulnerable to put yourself out there in this way, and I just wanna tell you how grateful I am for you. Mhmm. And for those of you who don't know Liz, I'm gonna do a little intro like I do Oh. For my special guest. I didn't know that. And then we'll just dive in. Great. Sound good? Okay.
Liz [:Alright. I'm here for it.
Marli Williams [:Alright. So Liz Patail is a nurse at the VA in the PACU. Yes. And on the side, some passion projects include being the most creative person I've ever met, making beautiful jackets that are like works of art, and also facilitating women's empowerment photo shoots. She is also the owner of the brand, just be the vibe, which she is every day. When she shows up, when she walks into any room, this woman is the vibe. She brings the vibe.
Marli Williams [:She is the vibe. Liz, I'm so honored and so grateful for you. This week is our 1 year anniversary.
Liz [:Yeah. We met a year ago on August 4th. Yeah. Mhmm. Crazy.
Marli Williams [:I know. And so this podcast is coming out on August 2nd. So Couple days. A couple days before, but this is our our anniversary week.
Liz [:Mhmm. Mhmm.
Marli Williams [:And so what I thought would be really fun and also valuable to those of you out there listening is just to share a little bit of our story, share a little bit of our journey
Liz [:Mhmm.
Marli Williams [:And really explore the idea of what it looks like to build a healthy partnership. Mhmm. Mhmm. And not only in relationship, but in friendship too. Like, cultivating meaningful connection, cultivating meaningful friendships. And I mean, when I think about the way that you show up for your people Mhmm. It is just such a testament to who you are and, like, the deep connections that you have with people. Mhmm.
Liz [:Mhmm.
Marli Williams [:And that's just been something that I've been working on. So I noticed that in you. So I thought we could just talk about relationships, friendships, and cultivating connection. How's that sound? That sounds great.
Liz [:I'm here for it. I'm ready to talk about that. I love friends. I love connecting with people and sharing love. I think that's what, you know, we've talked a lot about. It's like sharing love and expressing that and building connection with people.
Marli Williams [:Yeah. And one of the things that I tell Liz all the time, I I say, like, your love is the best love. Mhmm. And I just wanna say, like, it is such a gift to be loved by you because you love people well. Like, you love your people so well. Your sister, your friends, me, and your patients, the people that you work with. Like, anyone I meet who knows you would say the exact same thing, which I love. And so I'm curious.
Marli Williams [:Where do you think that comes from, your ability to love people well?
Liz [:Well, I think that, like, I have a lot of love in me, and, like, I wanna share that. And also, maybe I put into the world what I seek. And also, it makes me feel good to it's not altruistic. Like, in the sense of like, when I'm sharing love, when I'm loving somebody, when I'm taking good care of a patient, or loving all my friends, or it feels good to me, you know, that sharing that. Mhmm. It's connection. I mean, and scientifically. Right? It's like we know that that feels good when you're connecting and and sharing these special moments with people.
Liz [:I worked hard on it through my twenties thirties. You know, I I worked on building a friend group. You know, when I went to nursing school that was my main goal, was to get my degree, and then I was also like, I'm here to build a community. You know, I had a partner at the time that we were very close, and and I wanted a group of friends. So I kind of went in and was and made it my goal. And and then from there, it's like you learn, like, oh, this feels so good. Like, this is who I wanna connect with, and these are my people. And from there, you know, kind of built my little community.
Marli Williams [:Yeah. Yeah. I think one thing that I see in you and even just you sharing that story is is being intentional. Mhmm. Mhmm. Yes. I I think that sometimes we just assume it's gonna happen
Liz [:Yeah.
Marli Williams [:Because we're in nursing school, or because we go to a conference, or because we take a course, or something like that. Like, just because people are in the same space doesn't automatically mean you're going to connect and connect in a meaningful way. And so I think that level of intentionality that you bring really shows. Mhmm. And there was a quote that came to mind as you were sharing that says, sorrow shared is halved, and joy shared is doubled. Yeah. Yeah. And I love that.
Marli Williams [:Like, you know, when we have those meaningful connections, we have people that we can lean on and share those hard times with, and we also have people to share our joy with and expand that. Yeah.
Liz [:And it takes vulnerability to, like, you know, go in and, you know, here I was going in to nursing school in my mid to late twenties, and a lot of people had already well established friend groups, you know, or that they were already you know, as we get older, sometimes it's hard because everybody has their friend groups. And and I was like, this is I want you're right. I was very intentional, and I am going to make friends and connect with people and be vulnerable and say, like, well nursing school makes it easy to be vulnerable because it's terrible. No matter how good you are, nursing school was. And so you have that to bond over, and then keeping those connections. Like, always being your true self, and just being like, I'm having like a a rough patch or, you know. I think that is Yeah. Yeah.
Marli Williams [:Yeah.
Liz [:And it and vulnerable, and authentic. Yeah. And that gives people permission to come lean on you. Yeah. And leaning on people, you know, leaning on your friends. Not all the time, of course, but, like, you know, like Yeah. Yeah. I agree.
Marli Williams [:I love that. Speaking of being vulnerable, I thought that since we went to the event last night Mhmm. Where we met. Mhmm. A year ago.
Liz [:Oh, my god. It's amazing. Amazing show.
Marli Williams [:And people ask us all the time. Right? Like, where did you meet? How did you meet? What was that moment like? What was that experience like? So I thought that we could maybe take people back to that moment 1 year ago. Yes. At this amazing event. Y'all, if you live in Portland, check this event out. Yeah. Actually, if you're listening to this, it's happening this coming weekend, I think. Yeah.
Liz [:What's going on? Yeah.
Marli Williams [:It is called Art in the Dark. Mhmm. And my my roommate had told me about it. He's like, you gotta go check this thing out. And it sounded awesome. So I got a ticket. Me and my friend, Jenny, went. And there we are standing in line Mhmm.
Marli Williams [:Waiting to get in. And I see this group of people hanging out, having a good time, and one of them looked familiar to me. And, you know, for those of you who are out there, you're looking for love. You're single, ready to mingle. There are things that we do to get in our own way. Like, I had all these stories of, like, I'm not gonna go say hi. And they're having their own experience. Like, well, I'm too whatever.
Marli Williams [:Too much and whatever. All the things. Mhmm. But I I also am really trying to, like, follow my intuition Mhmm. And follow my heart. And this is you know, I talk a lot about that in the podcast. So I go up, not to Liz, but to her friend Danella. Mhmm.
Marli Williams [:And I just say, hey, you look super familiar. I don't know if we know each other, but I just wanted to come over and say hi. Mhmm. So just imagine, like, the amount of, like I mean, even for me as an extrovert, that took a lot of chutzpah.
Marli Williams [:You know what I'm talking about? Like, the the inner the inner courageous. Mhmm. Then they were all in a big group.
Liz [:Mhmm.
Marli Williams [:And we all started talking. Mhmm. But we yeah. So what what was your experience like kind of in that moment at the right right at the beginning at that event?
Liz [:I mean, that was hot. Like, I think that that is yeah. I think that is the yeah. Like, that's something that really leads to connection, and it's hard to do that. Like, walk up and be like, hey. I think I know you. Or like or, you know or you guys I remember what you said too. One thing was like, you guys look like you're having fun.
Liz [:Because we were kinda dancing. We were putting glitter on our face, and you just came up and were like, yeah. I wanna be part of that. Yeah. And I really admired that. And then me and my friend, Danelle and I, pride had just happened. So I was kind of like, do we know her around? Like, I would remember. I would remember running into her.
Liz [:And then you went and sat somewhere else.
Marli Williams [:And I Which was like, oh, I was beating myself up on that one. I, like, went and sat on the other side of this this event. And and all night, I was like, no. And I was like, well because I was, like, trying to kind of still play it cool, but I don't know how to do that. So then I kept going over there. It's like eating their pizza or something like that. Like, eating their snacks and just having any excuse to, like, be over there. And, you know, it's it's interesting.
Marli Williams [:Like, I love this quote that says pay attention to what captures your attention. Mhmm. And can you give yourself permission to, like, lean into that? Mhmm. Like, there was something about, like, you and the group and That's
Liz [:That's a really cool group.
Marli Williams [:Energy that I was really drawn to. Mhmm. You know? And, again, the amount of, like, courage it takes to put yourself out there to get a different outcome or result. And like you just said, like, confidence is hot. Oh, yeah. Right? Mhmm. Like Mhmm. When someone is comfortable in their own skin and in who they are, it's really attractive.
Liz [:Yeah.
Marli Williams [:Right? So we're chatting. Mhmm. There's intermission. I come over during intermission. Like, we're talking more. But it was at the end of the night that I remember coming over, and that had ended. And I think we were sitting and talking, like, this close.
Liz [:This close. It was really
Marli Williams [:a foot away from each other. And that first night we met, we talked about like, she was wearing this beautiful, like, denim jumpsuit, pearl necklace. Mhmm. And I was here for it. I was like, again, your confidence Mhmm. Was attractive to me. Yeah. And we talked about, like, I never wanna be in a relationship or a partnership or with someone that where I feel like I'm too much.
Marli Williams [:Mhmm. Mhmm.
Liz [:Yeah.
Marli Williams [:And I'm just like, own your muchness. Like, you look good.
Liz [:Yeah. Like, it's Portland. We're in the park. I was the only one wearing a big piece of costume jewelry. I wouldn't eat. You know? And That is you. And in our group's credit, like, I also think there's this energy of being open. Like, even when you're in a group, being like, we're not just gonna sit and talk to each other.
Liz [:I mean, we are. We had our special moments. And also if hey. You come over. There's, like, come on in. Like, you wanna talk? You wanna join? You wanna share a snack? Like, I think that that was really, like I love that. All my friends, the community I have now, it's like, that is a very cool vibe of, like, come on in. And of course, if it's not a good fit, then, you know, no problem.
Liz [:But, like, yeah. It was we it was very inviting. Energy was inviting as well. And so I'm I appreciate that. And we did talk. And you were vulnerable in sharing that, I think, and saying like, Oh, people always say I'm too much. And I'm like, Same. Sharing that piece of something that feels negative, or it led to this a moment to connect.
Liz [:Mhmm. You know, I feel like Yeah.
Marli Williams [:And, again, like, sharing from your heart and being vulnerable Mhmm. Creates that connection. And we've talked about this before too around this idea of open energy versus closed energy. Mhmm. Right? Again, if you're wanting to meet people, whether it's a relationship or friends, when you go out in the world, are you only seeing and hanging out and talking to the people that you came there with? Mhmm. And that's fine. There's nothing wrong with that. But is there an openness Yeah.
Marli Williams [:To meeting other people energetically?
Liz [:Mhmm.
Marli Williams [:Like, oh, this is a cool event. There's probably other cool people here Yeah. That I can meet. We already have something. And it's just so easy to stay inside our comfort zone. Like, we go to a thorns game and only talk and sit with the people that you know, and there's, like, a stadium full of thousands of lesbians.
Liz [:You know?
Marli Williams [:And it's like, are you willing to say hi to the people that are waiting in line? Yeah. Or whatever it is. You never know who who you're going to meet. And again, like, following that intuition and following the energy. And speaking of energy, so we connect that night. Mhmm. And again, we exchanged, I think, Instagram Yeah. At that moment.
Marli Williams [:And then I drove away in my car with the song blasting, like, drove by their group playing big, big energy. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe we can, like, cue that song right here. Big, big energy. Because I was like, this is me. Yeah. Mhmm.
Marli Williams [:And and I did a lot of work over that past year to just really, really, like, embrace that part of me instead of making myself wrong about
Liz [:Mhmm.
Marli Williams [:Feeling like I'm too much. And so it's like, this is me. This is who I am. Like, here it is. Yeah. You know?
Liz [:And I was feeling open too. And, like, the that moment of I remember I said, like, oh, can we connect? Like, let's exchange this. I mean, for me, like, at that time in my life, all being very open to meeting and connecting with people. And also, the universe has always spoke had to speak a little louder in for me in life. And so, yeah, I had been dubbed that year my year of yes. And when I asked you what you did at the time, you were running you were about ready to run this camp for women called camp yes. And I was like, oh, interesting.
Marli Williams [:Yeah.
Liz [:Interesting. And like, yeah, being vulnerable and saying, like, let's connect and follow-up. I feel like follow-up is like talking about connection and and friends. Like, going back to the first it can be a simple statement of, like, you know, your what's your favorite? You're it's like, hi. My name is Marli. What's yours? Like, that's all you. It's like that's that's the opening line. Right? Opening line.
Liz [:And then after connection, like, the follow-up of being like we connected. We followed each other on Instagram. And I always follow-up with people and say like, Hey. It was really nice to meet you. Like, you know, it was good to connect. Or I looked at your Instagram, like, I appreciated this. Or, you know, like, that was a fun event. Let's hang out for a coffee or something.
Marli Williams [:Mhmm.
Liz [:And with you, I said it was really, really nice to me. There were 2
Marli Williams [:2 reallys and one was in all caps.
Liz [:Yeah. Yeah. That was my little wink wink.
Marli Williams [:That was that was my nudge. That was my okay. Alright.
Liz [:Jace, you did it.
Marli Williams [:She's feeling it. She's feeling it. And again, there's that moment of connection, And then it's so easy to, like, kinda talk yourself out of getting somebody's number or Instagram or exchanging contact information. Mhmm. And then you leave that night, and you're like, oh my gosh. I'm never gonna see them again. Yeah. So it's like, all of these moments of courage and bravery
Liz [:Yeah.
Marli Williams [:I think is required to have what what it is that we want. And I wanna I was wanting to call in love, and I've been doing a lot of, like, personal work over that past year, like I said, to kinda prepare myself to be open for that and ready for that and be in a place where that felt really good. And we connected that night, and then I think actually exchanged numbers over Instagram that night. That night. I think you invited me to the lesbian Olympics at your house Yes. The following week.
Liz [:Mhmm.
Marli Williams [:And then the next day, I waited until 10 AM. 1001. 101. And I saw this event popped up that I really wanted to go to. And I just I was like, I'm buying tickets. I'm buying 2 tickets, and this is like the best first date that I could possibly imagine. It was like a bike in movie at a queer farm, like, a mile from my house with a farm to table dinner and a stand up comedy show and a movie night, and it was we would ride our bikes there. It'd be so romantic.
Marli Williams [:I'm pretty romantic, if you don't know that.
Liz [:There it is.
Marli Williams [:And I said, hey. I'm not good at playing it cool. Yeah. Do you wanna go on a super fun hot date with me this Wednesday? Mhmm. And that that was on Saturday morning. Yep. Mhmm.
Liz [:Yeah. And I said yes right away. Like, that that's it. Like, as as she was I was bubbling in. Yes. Yes.
Marli Williams [:Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Liz [:and I didn't know anything about the date. I was like, yep. Whatever. I trust. Yeah. But I think that's another thing. Like trusting the energy of a person in connection. And, like, I've met a lot of new people the the past couple years, and it's like, you can feel friendship, like dating.
Liz [:I mean, you can feel that connection and trust it. And I trusted it. And it's like, yeah. Let's go on a date. I'm sure we're gonna have fun.
Marli Williams [:And And I said, yes, even though I work. Sorry if my boss is sick leave that day. So you just take some time off work to go, this not date? Totally worth it.
Liz [:Mhmm. Totally worth it. And then I'll say this on our first date, which was super fun.
Marli Williams [:And then I'll say this on our first date, which was super fun. You walked in and you kissed me right away. I asked. Yeah. You asked.
Liz [:I I just just Consent. Consent is hot. But I did say, can I kiss you? Like, right away. And I think that that is also a lot I mean, in dating. I mean, I was kinda dating, kind of like not. But yeah. I was I was not on apps or anything like that. It was just in real life connections.
Liz [:And I think that that is like yeah. You just say it. And people are like, oh, well, yeah. But, like, you're you and, like, that's and I'm like, I am me, and I got turned down before. You know? And and I think that that's okay. When it it's not about me. It's just about, like, that person owes me no explanation or anything. And it's just like, oh, yeah.
Liz [:They they don't wanna connect. They Right. You know, for putting For a reason.
Marli Williams [:Putting yourself out there. Yeah. You know? And you could have said no.
Liz [:You could have been like, are you my god.
Marli Williams [:This is I was like,
Liz [:you know what? That's cool. And we said, then right now? It's like, yes.
Marli Williams [:We had been talking. You know? We had been flirting. We had been flirt texting for sure. But there was a lot of build up.
Liz [:Mhmm.
Marli Williams [:And it would be hard to get on a bike without that. So I started the date started the date out with a a kiss. Yeah. Rode our bikes to the side yard farm near my house. Mhmm. Check out hashtag side side yard farm on Instagram. They have some awesome events going on. Mhmm.
Marli Williams [:Then you you were super, again, open and vulnerable with me Oh, yeah. On our first date, and you're just kinda, like, laid it all out
Liz [:there. Yeah. I had had a Yeah, totally. I had been a year of huge transition. A lot of like, challenges for me, like my whole life had changed. And I felt like it was actually, I made so many great friends the past year because there was this, like when I got to know somebody, I would just say, like, I just wanna tell you a little bit about what I'm going through. And then not like trauma dump way, but, like, you know, this is a phase of my life I'm in. And especially on a date, like, felt like I wanted to tell you upfront about, like, you know, like, I'm this newly synced out of a 22 year great relationship, and it did end amicably, but that's on my own.
Liz [:Like, I've learned how to pay my own bills. Like, I, you know, I was, like, learning, embracing queerness, Like, you know and there was so much going on that I felt like it was important to tell people that this is what's going on. And I remember your eyes. You were like, wow. That's a lot. And you and and so it's what you said. You said, wow. That's a lot.
Liz [:And I'm just open to connect, and, like, I wanna get to know you more. And I think some people could have literally and that's what I want always wanted to give people the option for. They could have said, that's a lot. I'm out. Yeah. Later I and but I think that the fact that I was sharing and the fact that I've said, and these are the things I'm doing. Like, you know, I was in a a year of intense healing as well, like, growth. And I mean, I still am healing, growth, all that stuff.
Liz [:And that that energy came across. In my friendships that I've made too through that year, they said, like, you were so nose to the grindstone, like, about healing and loving and, like, loving yourself, loving your community. And, like, I I think that came across too.
Marli Williams [:So Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's one thing to say, like, my life is, like, a hot mess Mhmm. And I'm not doing anything about it. Yeah. And it wasn't that it was a hot mess at all. It was just like, these are all the things that I'm going through.
Liz [:Mhmm.
Marli Williams [:And I think, again, to be open and transparent. And like, you know, I think a lot of people are like, there's never a perfect time to say those things. And Yeah. But yeah. And, like, you give people the choice and the option, and there was enough of a connection there that I was like, let's see where this goes. Mhmm. And again, staying really open to, like, I know that I'm drawn to you and your energy, and, like, let's explore that. Mhmm.
Marli Williams [:And without pressure, you know. I think in especially in, like, relationships with women, it's like, what does this mean? We went on 3 dates, and now we're in a relationship. Right? Like and so this was, like, the first time, I think, that I also gave myself permission to, like, slow down. Mhmm. Like, be really excited. And again, I put myself out there. And you have reminded me then and now and, like, throughout the course of this past year, like, there's no rush.
Liz [:Mhmm.
Marli Williams [:And we have plenty of time. Mhmm. Yeah. And that, to me, has felt really grounding. Mhmm. Because for some reason, I think in my past, it's been like, there's just this, like, rush or this pressure, like, to, like, move things along faster versus just, like, really taking the time to, like, get to know someone and build the foundation and build connection. And I'm so not hang out 247. You know, like, like, just see each other once a week or twice, you know, like, so that to me has been really, really just such a beautiful way to, I think, build this foundation over the past year.
Liz [:Mhmm. So
Marli Williams [:that was kind of like our the way that we met. The way that we met. Our first Our first date. Our first date. And so, yeah, I'd love to share, like, I love for to jam or talk a little bit about, like, what you've learned about relationships over the past year or, like, what you've learned from me, what you've learned from kind of us. Mhmm. And in hopes to, like, help other people who are out there, like, build a healthy relationship. Because I guess I'll say this for myself.
Marli Williams [:This is, like, the healthiest relationship that I've ever been in. Mhmm. Mhmm. It's been like again, I feel well, the 2 things that we've talked about throughout this past year is this balance and beautiful blend of freedom and connection. Mhmm. Mhmm. The freedom to be yourself. Yeah.
Marli Williams [:To be fully expressed. To follow your heart. To do what you love. To take care of yourself. Mhmm. For first. Yes. And also feeling deeply wanted and connected and desired and, like, loved.
Marli Williams [:Mhmm. And how, like, that is just such a beautiful balance that I think that we've built and nurtured. And you've taught me a lot about that and how to do that and what that looks like and feeling safe and secure Mhmm. In a partner with a partner. Yeah.
Liz [:So Oh, I'm I'm glad. Yeah. I think that that has been something that is, you know, talking about this year of transition and or, you know, 2023 for me, and it started out real rough. And and I think there was one of the quotes that really stuck with me was there's freedom and devastation. And so, like, the life that I thought that was going to be for me was not for me. And, like, you know, I embraced that with, like, love. And yes. There were it was devastation.
Liz [:And there was this, like, who and how do I wanna embrace life? Like, you know, as who like, you know and I I think that, like, I was fully expressed then, you know, through that year. And so being in a relationship with somebody who allows, like, dating and, like, with you fully express myself and, like, be a 100% me. Like, anytime, like, I've been like, oh, I want it. Like, here's something that's gonna be crunchier, like, hard to say. Or like, I can say that and say like, this feels hard for me to say, but like, I didn't like that. Or I wanna do this. Or, you know, and you handle it with such One of my favorite things that Marli ever said, like, that was new to me in a lot of ways. I've used it in my family relationships and friends since.
Liz [:But you said, I am disappointed because x y z, and I know how to be disappointed. And I'm really looking forward to connecting later. And like, that was the way you owned your own feelings and like didn't I think like for me, I'm used to carrying other people's stuff. And like, you were just like, I got this. It's not on you. And like, that has been completely the intimacy that you can build with that is huge. Mhmm. Because, like Yeah.
Liz [:So thank you for that. I mean, we've talked a
Marli Williams [:lot about that. And that
Liz [:just, like, it's a whole different layer of intimacy for me. Mhmm. And, like, I've learned that from you and kinda taken it into my my other, you know, relationships.
Marli Williams [:Yeah. Thank you for bringing that up. And I think it's so valuable to like, we're not robots. Mhmm. We're humans. We have feelings. Mhmm. And to, like, what does it look like to take responsibility for our feelings? Like, it's not like and to own it, to acknowledge it, to own it, and then to say, like, can I be with it? Mhmm.
Marli Williams [:And not project that onto my partner or make them wrong. Wrong. It's like, these are my feelings. Mhmm.
Liz [:And you're safe to express them. Yeah.
Marli Williams [:Yeah. And I wanna say that to you too. Like, I don't think I've ever been in a relationship where it has felt safe Mhmm. To even say that, to even share that. And so what would happen for me is, like, I'm disappointed, but I shouldn't be disappointed. So I need to keep it to myself. But then what happens with feelings out there is if you don't listen to them, honor them, acknowledge them, how I like to say it is, like, it's gonna come out sideways. Yeah.
Marli Williams [:If it doesn't come out front ways Mhmm. It's gonna come out sideways. Snarky, short, curt, like, it's gonna come out in a different way because emotions need to move. Mhmm. And so even just saying, like, I'm sad or I'm hurt or I'm upset or I'm disappointed or whatever the feeling is, it actually even just naming it Mhmm. And saying, and I'm okay. Mhmm. Mhmm.
Marli Williams [:I will be about this. Yes. Mhmm. You know? And it does build, like, that intimacy and that connection. And again, feeling safe Mhmm. To be fully expressed. Yeah. Not just like and as we're both if anyone's Enneagram people, we're both sevens on the Enneagram.
Marli Williams [:And so both of us tend to think that anyone would only wanna hang out with us when we are fun. Yes. That's the only reason why anyone would wanna hang out with me. Yeah. And so when I'm sad or upset or disappointed or having an off day, it's like, I'm not lovable. Yeah.
Liz [:Yeah. And you shared that one day early on. Like, early on, we were gonna hang out. And I think you said, like, hey. I just wanna give you a heads up. I'm I'm tired. I had a long day. Something you know? And I was like, even just sharing that, it's like felt like permission for me to be like, oh, same girl, same.
Liz [:Like, I had a rough day at work, and I still wanna real I still wanna see you. And, like, you know and that I think I learned that a lot about building connection and friendships too is that you don't always have to show up as this just show up as you. Like, off there is, like, actually science behind that we can tell if somebody is being authentic. And like, if you show up and you're vulnerable, and you ask for help, or you cancel because you're like, hey, I do not have the energy. I don't wanna get out of bed. I just need to, like, sleep or order in. You are giving that friend permission to do the same. Mhmm.
Liz [:And don't you want that? Like, you want your friends to be able to ask for what they need. You want your partner to be able to ask for what they need. Mhmm. Like, yeah. Do that openness. But and that's putting you first. Right?
Marli Williams [:Yeah. And you've taught me about that. Mhmm. Of, like, I think I grew up where putting yourself first was selfish. Yeah. It's intense. So I've really had to learn, like, in order for both of us to be, like, the best partners
Liz [:Mhmm.
Marli Williams [:That we can be for each other. We have to be the best to ourselves. And I don't think I've been with someone who's like, I want you to show up. Like, your number one job is to show up for yourself. Yes. Yeah. In in a relationship versus, like, I've had to, like, rewire that thought pattern in my brain. Mhmm.
Marli Williams [:And not thinking, like, it's selfish to do those things. Or when you do those things, like, but it's like you taking care of you is you showing up for For me. For you and us. Yeah. Yeah. It's not taking away. No. It's adding to.
Liz [:Mhmm.
Marli Williams [:Yeah. And so I think that that building a healthy partnership is, are you continuing to take care of yourself? Because, again, in all relationships, especially with women, there is that, like, the urge to merge, where it's like you do everything together every minute of every day. And And I've done the whole, like, move in after 3 months thing, and that hasn't worked out so well. And, you know, we've been together for a year, everybody. We don't live together.
Liz [:Hashtag lesbians not U-Hauling. And it works.
Marli Williams [:It's it works. And one thing that Not judging anybody who does that for you. If it works yeah. All good. But like, one of the things that I I think has helped us is 2 things. 1, we don't live together. And so there's space
Liz [:Mhmm.
Marli Williams [:To be in our own space Yeah. With ourselves. And then you work. You have a job Mhmm. That requires you to be at work for 12 hours at a time, like, 3 to 4 days a week in
Liz [:a row. Mhmm.
Marli Williams [:And so we don't see each other. I don't think most people would even I say this to people, and they're like, no way. It looks like you guys are together all the time. And I'm like, I don't see her half the week.
Liz [:Mhmm. Mhmm.
Marli Williams [:And so that means, like, I'm in my own space. I'm in my own energy. I'm out there. I'm playing pickleball. I'm working. I'm hanging out with my friends. Like, I'm doing these other things to nourish myself and to, like, also take care of my not take care of, but, like, to nurture my connections and my friendships and go to networking events and do these things on my own. Mhmm.
Marli Williams [:Mhmm. And when we see each other,
Liz [:it's like it's like
Marli Williams [:the best day ever every time because, you know, it's been, like, 3 or 4 days, which and in lesbian, I was like, that's like a month. Woah. It's woah. And so there's this quote around polarity where distance and difference creates desire. Mhmm. And so having that space and that autonomy and that sovereignty and, again, that freedom. Yeah. And then that connection when we come back together.
Marli Williams [:Oh, good. What is that experience been like for you?
Liz [:Yeah. I mean, like, I think that, like, maintaining, you know, maintaining, like, growth. I think, like, confidence is sexy. Boundaries are sexy. Independence is sexy. Communication is sexy. All of things. And I think for us, like, we've been very intentional about, like, these are the ways I'm growing personally.
Liz [:These are the ways I'm growing in this relationship. These are the ways I'm growing professionally. And so I want to encourage you, and the way you encourage me to do that, like, it means we're not always, you know, like, that some of that growth happens separately. Mhmm. You know? And I think that's really important. And when we are together and this is the same in my friendships. One thing that you've noticed, it's like, when I am with a friend, I am with a friend. I'm not on my phone.
Liz [:Or if I am on my phone, I say usually, like, I need to respond to an email, or I need to check that this package got delivered. And I actually learned that from a girl in nursing school. She would when we got, she's like, I'm gonna she we would go out and she'd be like, I'm gonna put my phone in my purse. And she would set the intention of like, this is 1 on 1 time. Like, I think it gives this intention behind, like, alone time intention, together time intention, going out. I think that's really healthy. You know? Yeah. And and I have had a a successful, like, really good partnership for 22 years.
Liz [:And we did, by the end, like, I think, get confused about whose emotions and whose was what. And I want to be very intentional about not getting having that happen. You know? And that that was just the that's life when you're you know? But like, this is fine. Myself, my independence, my emotions, these are yours. And let's come together and share and make a magical Yeah. Like, stay.
Marli Williams [:Mhmm. Yeah. I love that so much. And I think that is something, again, when we talk about cultivating deep meaningful connections with your partner, with your friends, that level of intentionality and presence. Mhmm. Like, again, another quote for y'all out there, but it's it says attention is the rarest and greatest form of generosity. Mhmm. Mhmm.
Marli Williams [:Your presence. Your attention. And that is something that I noticed with you. Like, when we're together, we are together. Mhmm. Like, you're not on your phone, or if you are, you're very, very mindful about it. You're very intentional about it. And how many times are we have you been out in the world and at dinner having a meal together, and they're both sitting there on their phones? Mhmm.
Marli Williams [:Mhmm. At the event last night, 2 people were sitting next to each other behind us, Mhmm. Both sitting on their phones waiting for the show to start. Not talking, not connecting. And so that is something that we all can do in our relationships to bring more presence and energy and intention. And I'll say this too, in your friendships, you ask like a really thoughtful meaningful questions. Mhmm. And with like, again, this genuine curiosity and love and interest in people.
Marli Williams [:Mhmm. Right? Instead of being interesting, how can we be interested in, like, what's happening in someone's world? And literally just yesterday, like, we have a friend who has COVID. This woman, she's at work sending them flowers, or another friend of ours was sick, Instacarted some things. Mhmm. It's like, wow. Like, the way that you show up for your people. Again, it's just like these small little moments that we all have every day to just like, how can I love someone better today? How can I make someone's day? How can I surprise them and spread this joy and this love? And I know you do it, and like, you get so much, like, joy from doing that.
Liz [:Yeah. And, like, I think I've had been on the receiving end. Like, I've had people show up and load my fridge, or I've had people send me a spreadsheet to help with, like, bill. Like, I've had these friends who show up with in different ways. Like, maybe you can't go out to a lunch and sit for 2 hours and talk and be you know, because you've got a busy life. But you can one thing I've learned is, like, when you think I should, you should just do it. Like, just do, like, Instacart, that shit is amazing. Like, you have written here, like, oh, I'm thinking about her.
Liz [:I or I know she had that job interview this week. I'm just gonna send something, or, like, send a text, send a card, send a meaningful quote. Like, you think it, do it. Don't wait. Like, you know, just do it in that moment. You know? Like, yeah, I was at work, but, like, I in between patients, it's like that is important. And that stuff is attention, and it matters. And
Marli Williams [:and it feels good.
Liz [:You know? Like yeah.
Marli Williams [:Yeah. Yeah. Where am I nurturing and giving they call it filling up your emotional bank account with my friendships.
Liz [:Yeah.
Marli Williams [:Am I filling it up? Mhmm. Sometimes we fill it up, and sometimes we have to, like, take a withdrawal and say, like, I'm having a hard day. Phone a friend. Yeah. I need I need you. Can you come over? And, so as we as we bring things to a close today, I'd love for you to share any lessons, hot tips, or final thoughts you would like to leave people with I think
Liz [:you you kinda touched on it that, you know, like, the theme that keeps coming through. Like, even as we talked about all this stuff that I'm we didn't really plan any of this. We're just sitting down chatting. But the theme that keeps coming up is, like, just permission to be yourself. Like, you know, like, don't get in your own way. If you have like, Oh, I shouldn't do this because or Oh, is this too much? Or Oh, do I have to wait? What are the rules? It's just if you show up as you, I mean and trust yourself. I just feel like people love that when you show up as you. Like, your people are going to love that.
Liz [:Some of them won't, and some people won't. And that they're not your people. And that's okay. You know, once you're authentic, I think you really start to you know, that's the biggest compliment that I get kind of consistently from my friends is, like, you showing up fully as you gives me permission to be that in myself. And and that is just like, that's what I want for everybody. You know? Permission to show up as who you fully are inside. Mhmm.
Marli Williams [:You know? It's so true, babe. You do that for me. You do that for your friends. You do that for everyone around you. And I think it is such place of just fully place of just fully owning who you are being who you are. Like, my last week's podcast episode was all about like, what does it mean to do the work? Right? Until like, I think we both came to the table full. Mhmm. Oh, totally.
Marli Williams [:Complete. And saying, like, I'm enough. You're enough. Like, my life is great. Your life is great. Let's make it awesome Yeah. Together. It's like and to fully, fully own who you are, know who you are, trust yourself.
Marli Williams [:Mhmm. And again, when you are you, you give other people permission to do the same.
Liz [:Yeah. And all versions of you. Like, you can have terrible days crying, you know, like, whatever. Yeah. All versions.
Marli Williams [:But it's it's that level of vulnerability and authenticity that builds those deep meaningful friendships and connections and relationships. And I just wanna say happy anniversary. Happy anniversary you. And thank you for loving me so well, for seeing me for supporting me on the amazing days, on the hard days, on the in between days, for all of the adventures. And I'm just so grateful to get to be on the receiving end of your love. Okay. It is the greatest gift. Mhmm.
Marli Williams [:So thank you. Thank you.
Liz [:Thank you for seeing me and supporting me and, like, just showing up for everybody the way you do. And the world is a better place with you in it a 100%. Mhmm. Oh. That was a little bushy at the end. Sorry. I got it.
Marli Williams [:We got mushy. That's what happens. That's right. We're being authentic. We're being authentic. Giving you permission. I'm in love. We're in love.
Marli Williams [:We want you to be in love, and we With yourself. With be in love with yourself, step 1. Step 1. Yeah. Like, Britney and Lisette talk about, like, step 1 of being a power couple is being powerful yourself.
Liz [:Right? I love that. Yeah. Yeah.
Marli Williams [:And so that is our hope for you. That is our wish for you. We hope that you learn something about yourself. You learn something about relationships, and that, again, that you take something that you learned here, and you use it in your life. You send someone flowers today. You reach out. Next time you're at dinner, you put your phone away. Take some of these things into your life.
Marli Williams [:That is information doesn't change our life. It's the implementation of that information. And that is my hope. That is our hope for you today. And I just wanna again, thank you for being vulnerable, for stepping outside your comfort zone. Yeah. Totally. This was fun.
Marli Williams [:Podcast.
Liz [:Yeah. I love podcasts, but I've never been to one. That's fun.
Marli Williams [:First time. Give it up. Give it up. Oh my goodness. So, again, thanks for tuning in this week, and I'm just want you all to experience the love that I do with this woman every single day. And we are both sending you all so much love. So much love.
Liz [:So much love.
Marli Williams [:Go out
Liz [:there and be you. Go out there.
Marli Williams [:Be the vibe. Alright, everybody. Until next time. Take care. Peace. Thank you for joining us on another inspiring episode of the Marli Williams podcast. We hope you're leaving here with renewed energy and valuable insights to fuel your leadership, coaching, and speaking endeavors. I'd love to invite you to subscribe, rate, and review this podcast to help us reach more aspiring leaders and speakers like you.
Marli Williams [:We have more exciting episodes and remarkable guests lined up, so make sure to tune in next time. Until then, keep leading with purpose, coaching with heart, and speaking with conviction. This is Marli Williams signing off. See you next week.
