Mindset Upgrade: Taking 100% Responsibility for Your Reality -35

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Marli Williams [: 00:00:04

Hey, everyone. What's happening? I am super stoked to welcome you to the Marli Williams podcast where we will explore authentic leadership, transformational facilitation, and how to create epic experiences for your audiences every single time. I am your host, Marli Williams, bringing you thought provoking insights, expert interviews, and actionable strategies to unlock your potential as a leader, facilitator, and speaker. Thank you for joining me on this journey of growth, transformation, and impact. Let's lead together. The Marli Williams podcast begins now. Let's dive in. Well, hey, everybody.

Marli Williams [: 00:00:49

What is happening? I am super stoked to welcome you back to the Marli Williams podcast. This week, I am coming to you solo style. And since it's the summer, I am deciding to slow things down a little bit, pace things out. And so instead of every week for the podcast, we're gonna be coming to you every other week so that we all can enjoy the magic and the beauty that is summer. So just a little public service announcement for y'all out there, and I just want to start by expressing my love, my gratitude, and my appreciation for all of you out there who take the time to listen to this podcast, who take the time to learn and grow and better yourself and your life and your ability to lead, whether it's in your relationship, in your family, in your company. I think that personal growth is professional growth. And I believe in the power of personal growth, work, and transformation, and that is why I do the work that I do. And I've been reflecting a lot on this idea of what does it mean to do the work? Now we hear this a lot of like, oh, are you willing to do the work? And when I think about doing the work to me, I think about, am I willing to take 100% responsibility for my reality? Question mark.

Marli Williams [: 00:02:19

Like, just even sit with that statement for a moment. Am I willing to take 100% responsibility for my reality? This doesn't mean that life won't life you. Things won't happen. Right? Breakups will happen and heartbreak and death and health related things will come up. It's not about everything being perfect. It's just exploring this idea. Am I willing to look a little bit deeper at what is happening in my life to take the time to, again, step back, which is hard to do in the midst of all of the noise and the distractions, and we can get overwhelmed and we can get really kind of stuck in a rut, stuck in a certain way of being stuck in a certain way of doing something, relationship habits or patterns of like, this is just how we communicate or this is just how we operate. And what I know to be true is that we can't change anyone around us.

Marli Williams [: 00:03:23

But I what I do know is that we can show up for ourselves. And this invitation and this exploration that I just want to invite you into today is just looking at this question. What would it look like if I were to take 100% responsibility for my reality, for my results, for how much money is in my bank account, for how much joy I'm experiencing, for how much connection I have in my life. Like, that is what it means to do the work. Can I look at myself and say, who am I being that is allowing these results to occur in my life, and results can be good or bad? We can even take away the good and bad. It's just like results are results. Results are feedback. And, yeah, even taking away this idea of right and wrong and good and bad, it's just like, am I enjoying the life that I have created? Because every decision we've made has got us to where we are right now.

Marli Williams [: 00:04:32

And some of you listening out there might love where you are. You might love the results that you have in your life, Love the amount of money you have in your bank account. Love the amount of time you're spending with your friends and your family. The amount of that you're traveling, the amount that you're moving your body. Right? Like, you might love the results in your life on one hand. It's a spectrum. There might be certain areas of your life where you feel like you're crushing it. Like, my relationship is amazing, and my business might be not as amazing as I'd like it to be or my bank account, right? So it's not like all or nothing.

Marli Williams [: 00:05:10

Like my life is either like a total hot mess or I'm at the top of the mountain, like, yodeling and sing you know, like, living my best life. Right? There is a spectrum and every day, every week, every month, every moment, it could feel different. But it's like in general, looking at the spectrum around what matters, what are the results that matter to you essentially kind of what is your own kind of definition of success? Is it the quality of your connections and your relationships? Is it the amount of money in your bank? Is it the amount of free time you have? And looking at the spectrum of all of that and saying like, wow, I'm really struggling in these areas of my life, whether it's my health, my finances, my relationships. I talk to a lot of people who are seeking connections, seeking community and friendship, and they wanna go beyond the acquaintance level go beyond the surface. They want deep, meaningful friendships and connections. And looking at just that as an example of, okay, what would it look like to take 100% responsibility for the types of relationships and connections that I have in my life? And I remember when I sat down to really reflect on this for myself because connection is a huge value of mine, connection, community, and I want deep meaningful friendships. And yet, you know, like, I could walk into a room and go to an event and run into a bunch of people. And this idea that I I kind of felt like people knew me, and I knew them kind of on the service level, but I didn't really feel known.

Marli Williams [: 00:06:57

And this idea for me of, you know, who are the people that are gonna be there when I have a hard day or when I have something amazing to celebrate? Who Who are the people that are gonna take me to the airport? Who are the people that I can call when I got an email from someone and I don't know how to deal with it or something happens in my business or in my relationships, like, who are the people that are gonna be there for me? And I was I had to really look at myself and say, Who am I being and how am I showing up? That that's my reality. Like my reality is I know a lot of people and a lot of people know me, but I don't really have deep, meaningful friendships. And what I found when I did the work and I did some reflection is I would spend a lot of time in lots of bigger groups of people. So in bigger groups of people, you're kind of like there isn't an oftentimes an opportunity to go deep and to build and nurture those relationships. And so I really sat down and made a list. I was intentional with, like, who are the people that are already in my life? So it wasn't like I need to go find new people who are the people that are already in my life that I want to nurture a connection with, nurture a relationship with? And can I choose to be intentional with that by hanging out 1 on 1, or small groups, or small little, like, dinner parties, or having a few people over for brunch, and really deepening my connection with them by getting to know them beyond just hanging out at an event for a couple hours and saying hi, and then going home? So, again, that's an example of looking at a certain area of your life, maybe, and I would invite you to do this right now. An area of your life that where the results aren't quite what you want them to be. Again, whether that's relationships, career, finances, health, it could be mindset, you know, your emotional world, spiritually, like all these different lenses that you can look at this through where you're not maybe experiencing the level of joy you want or you're not having as much fun as you want, or you don't have as much free time as you want.

Marli Williams [: 00:09:14

It's slowing down and it's doing the work is inviting in some questions to say, what are the things that I've done? What are the choices that I've made that have gotten me this result? And doing the work requires us to do that introspection to do that reflection and say, what do I want instead? You know, I love the idea of waving a magic wand or my friend, Brittany and Lisette just put on this class and actually helped me with this idea of the magic list. If that area of your life, where everything you wanted it to be, your finances, your relationships, your health, whatever area of your life that you choose, It's kind of really looking at, well, where are you now? And what about that isn't working for you? And what's the cost of that? What is the impact of not getting and having the result that you want in that particular area of your life? For me, it's like I would feel isolated or I would feel really lonely. Even though I knew all these people, I felt lonely. And so what do I want instead? I want deep, meaningful connections with a handful of people that I can enjoy my life with. One of my kind of big beliefs in my heart of hearts is life is meant to be shared. And I love sharing moments and experiences, whether it's paddle boarding or hiking or going to live music or going on a bike ride. Like, for me, that stuff is so much more fun when I have amazing humans to do it with. Like, the company that I keep means a lot to me.

Marli Williams [: 00:10:51

And so I really had to get clear on what type of person do I want in my kind of inner circle? What type of people do I wanna build those deep, meaningful connections with? And and again, a lot of them were already people that were in my sphere. They were just people that I hadn't intentionally reached out to to build and nurture that relationship. And what are the types of things we would do together? How would it feel when we hang out? Do you know, like, I wanna hang out with people who inspire me, who lift me up, who support me, who encourage me, who challenge me, who believe in me. I had to get really clear, like, what do I want in that area of my life? Right? How much money do you want in your bank account? How much money do you wanna make a month or a year? What would it look like to live in abundance? So I think it's really important to acknowledge where we are, acknowledge that, you know, we've done the best that we can up to this point. And, you know, one of my favorite lines to tell people is like, you don't have to wait for your life to suck to want to change it. Your life can be good, and you can still want great. You can want epic. You can want amazing.

Marli Williams [: 00:11:59

You can want phenomenal. And as my good friend Lisette says, what do you want just because you want it? Not because it solves world peace or solves a problem. What do you want just because you want it in your life? So, again, I invite you to choose an area of your life. You can do this in as many areas as you're in your life as you want and really look at what are the results I currently have? How is that negatively impacting me? What do I want instead? And create a magic list. Again, if it's a relationship, I did this last year. I made a magic list of everything that I wanted in a partnership, in a relationship. And 3 weeks later, I met Liz. I met the amazing woman that I get to spend my time with, and it's the most incredible relationship that I've ever been in.

Marli Williams [: 00:12:50

And I sat down and I had to get really clear on what I wanted. And so often we don't do that for a lot of different reasons. One is there's no way that there's someone out there like that. So we take away the possibility because we don't wanna be disappointed. And part of wanting what you want, neither part of this is feeling worthy of having it, feeling worthy of having everything that you want, everything that you desire. And so while yes, I did make this magic list and then 3 magical weeks later I met Liz, that entire previous year I was doing the work on me, and I was having to learn to be my own best friend and feel embodied, feel sexy, feel confident in myself, feel really grounded in who I am. And part of this, like the idea of being magnetic in attracting the things that we want in our life, whether it's relationships, friendships, finances, career opportunities, is who do I need to be in order to attract the type of people or relationships or opportunities that I want? So that is what it means to really do the work is I went to things that I did. I read a lot of books.

Marli Williams [: 00:14:15

I went to retreats. I went to conferences. I did a deep dive into kind of why did I have the results that I had in my past relationships that didn't work out. And I really had to get honest with myself. It's like, are we willing to tell the truth to ourselves about ourselves? I had a tendency to wanna be the hero and the rescuer and to, like, save people and fix people and heal people or whatever it is. And it's like, well, I can't do anybody else's work for them, first of all. And the job in a relationship isn't to be the rescue or the hero. It's to have an equal partnership.

Marli Williams [: 00:14:52

And so I had to really look at, well, what did I get out of that? What did I get out of this kinda like hero mentality? Or what did I get out of collapsing and being a people pleaser? Like, I don't care. Whatever it is, whatever you want. Yes. Versus, like, really getting clear on the this is what I want and this is what I need. What do you want? What do you need? And having sovereignty in a relationship because I I had codependent patterns and tendencies that I really had to I I wasn't looking at other people. I was looking at, like, what is my part in that? And that is doing the work. It's like, again, going back to this idea of, am I willing to take 100% responsibility for the results that I've had in past relationships, in my business, in my life, in my health? Am I really doing everything that I could be doing to be as healthy as I want? No. There are things that I I could be doing more of.

Marli Williams [: 00:15:46

So what do I want? And so once you get clear on what you really want, again, it's doing the work to feel worthy of that, that you are worthy of everything that you want, everything that you desire. And it's one thing to make a magic list and then like we shove it under our bed or we never look at it again, but it's like reminding ourselves of that visualizing that imagining that already happening, that relationship already happening, that money in the bank, those friendships, and really inviting the emotions that would come up around having that. How would that feel to have the partnership of your dreams, friends that you can count on, money in your bank, a job that you love, clients coming in. And we have to, like, essentially embody that feeling before it's here. Like, how do I treat myself? Like, when I was not in a relationship, like, I am my own partner, whether that was challenging myself to take myself out for dinner or cooking myself delicious, nourishing meals or doing things that I would want someone else to do for me, I had to learn to do that for me. And so my invitation today is really just to support you wherever you're at in your path and on your journey. And like, this is something that you can always do is taking the time to reflect on yourself and on your life. And if you're not getting the results that you want or not making choices, we're it's because of the choices that we're making.

Marli Williams [: 00:17:23

All of our choices, all of our decisions, essentially, that we've made equal the results that we have in our life. So if we want something different, we have to choose to do something different, to make different choices of, again, who am I being and how am I showing up? Like, I had to make a different choice to intentionally hang out 1 on 1 with people rather than just going to group events. That was a new choice that I made in order to make a choice in a decision that's in alignment with what I wanted. So once we get clear on what we want, we have to take a line inspired action in service of that. I made my magic list of everything that I wanted. And then when I was out in the world, what were the choices that I was making and how I was engaging with people, how I was talking to people? My energy was not coming from a place of desperation. As we all know, being desperate is not hot. Right? And I wasn't desperate.

Marli Williams [: 00:18:19

I had to get to a place where I was happy on my own. And if someone else comes into my life, I want them to add to it, not take from it and not fill a void or not fill a hole because I wasn't happy. So when I was out in the world, my actions were different. Who I was being was different. And when I was out at this event, and I think that Liz is she has said yes to being on the podcast. It's gonna be our 1 year anniversary coming up. So stay tuned for an episode with my beautiful sweetheart, Liz, about the journey that we've been on over the past year in our relationship. But again, when I was at this event, I had the magic list, and I see this beautiful woman, and it's so easy in our life to get in our own way.

Marli Williams [: 00:19:06

Like, oh, I don't wanna go say hi. Like, they're a group, and she's with other people, and I don't wanna all the noise. And I just said, I'm just gonna go say hi. So I walk up to the group and I said, hey, what's going on? And we started chatting, and it's like I had to take a new and different action. And so that's the important piece of the puzzle. Like I think the law of attraction gets a bad rap because it's like, just what do you want? And then it's magically going to happen. It's like, get clear on what you want and then take a line inspired action in service of what it is that you want. But if we don't know what we want, then we don't know what actions to take.

Marli Williams [: 00:19:48

And so we just stay stuck where we are. And what I want for each and every one of you out there is to live your best life, to be as fully expressed and to experience joy and love and growth and possibility. And again, it doesn't mean that we get to avoid the hard things. I think it's the hard moments. It's like, again, how do I wanna choose to grow through this? Grow through a breakup, grow through a challenge, grow through the things that are coming your way. And how can you use that as a catalyst to the next level of your life and your journey? So I would love to hear from you if this landed for you, if this resonated with you. And, again, you can go back to this podcast, listen to it, pause it, and really, again, doing the work isn't just listening to this. It's actually sitting down and asking yourself some of these questions and going back to the beginning is, am I willing to take 100% responsibility for my life, for the results that I have in my life, the joy, the relationships, the love, the friendships, the money.

Marli Williams [: 00:20:59

And I want to remind you in this moment right now that you are enough. You are worthy of everything that you want, and the world is just waiting for you to get clear on that and take aligned inspired action in service of your hopes, your goals, and your dreams. I believe in you. I am supporting you. I'm cheering you on every step of the way. So feel free to share this with friends, with family, review the podcast as always. And, again, we're gonna be coming to you every other week for the summer, and I invite you to go back on our off weeks and check out some of the other amazing 34 episodes that are a part of the Marli Williams podcast. Find the ones that resonate for you and go back in the archives.

Marli Williams [: 00:21:51

Have fun. Play around. Check it out. I have a really great one on overcoming people pleasing, which is a part of, again, going back to this like doing the work, really understanding why people please, what I get out of it, and what I knowing getting that that actually doesn't work anymore. So check that episode out with Marla Matinsen. It's incredible overcoming people pleasing, and I hope that you are having a magical, beautiful, nourishing, fulfilling, joyous summer. I'm sending you all so much love on your journeys. Until next time.

Marli Williams [: 00:22:24

Take care. Thank you for joining us on another inspiring episode of the Marli Williams podcast. We hope you're leaving here with renewed energy and valuable insights to fuel your leadership, coaching, and speaking endeavors. I'd love to invite you to subscribe, rate, and review this podcast to help us reach more aspiring leaders and speakers like you. We have more exciting episodes and remarkable guests lined up, so make sure to tune in next time. Until then, keep leading with purpose, coaching with heart, and speaking with conviction. This is Marli Williams signing off. See you next week.