Celebrating Pride Month: My Personal Coming Out Story -31
In this heartfelt and captivating episode of the Marli Williams Podcast, I share my deeply personal coming out story for the first time. Celebrating Pride Month, I dive into what it means to live authentically and boldly love who you are. I reflect on the importance of finding supportive communities, the impact of self-acceptance, and how embracing your true self can transform your life. I also connect pride month on the broader themes of leadership, creating inclusive environments, and the ongoing fight for LGBTQ+ rights. Packed with vulnerability, insight, and encouragement, this episode is a poignant reminder of the power of self-love and the importance of celebrating diversity. Tune in now to be inspired and uplifted!
Transcript
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Marli Williams [:Hey, friends. What is happening? I just wanna start by saying happy pride. This week on the Marli Williams podcast, I will be sharing my coming out story with all of you, 1st time ever on the podcast talking about being gay, everybody. So it's a juicy episode. It's all about celebrating yourself and really learning to accept all of who you are on this wild journey we call life. So thank you for tuning in to the podcast this week. Let's dive right in. Hey, everyone.
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What's happening? I am super stoked to welcome you to the Marli Williams podcast, where we will explore authentic leadership, transformational facilitation, and how to create epic experiences for your audiences every single time. I am your host, Marli Williams, bringing you thought provoking insights, expert interviews, and actionable strategies to unlock your potential as a leader, facilitator, and speaker. Thank you for joining me on this journey of growth, transformation, and impact. Let's lead together. The Marli Williams podcast begins now. Let's dive in. Well, hey, everybody. What is happening? Welcome back to the Marli Williams podcast where this week we are going to be talking about pride and what it means and what it's all about, what it means to me, why it matters because June is officially pride month.
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So welcome to pride month. Welcome to the podcast. Welcome back. If you have listened before, if this is your first time listening, thanks for tuning in. And I think that many of you know, at this point in time, if you're listening to this podcast, that I am in fact gay. I identify as a gay woman. And in the world, I think sometimes I don't talk a lot about explicitly, like, being gay and what it means to me. But I thought that I would just share a little bit of my journey with you, my coming out story with you.
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And, you know, for those of you out there listening with the hopes of knowing that you're not alone. And wherever you are at on your journey, I really think about the idea of coming out and the idea of pride is really about giving ourselves permission to be authentically who we are in the world. And ideally finding people and places where we can thrive by being who we are. And for me, one of the keys in my journey has been community. And it has been really a journey to find and seek out community that aligns with who I am and who can help celebrate who I am, support who I am. There is a reason why I live in a place like Portland, Oregon and not in, like, a small town in the deep south. Right? Like, I think that the places and spaces that we live in really impact who we are, who we can be, how we feel about ourselves. And when we're in communities and environments that really celebrate that diversity or celebrate who you are rather than just tolerate it.
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I think it changes our relationship with who we are. And I think that this is important for all people, not just people in the LGBTQ community, but it's
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like, am I in a space where I can be fully, authentically me?
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I can wave my freak flag. I can be weird. I can be silly. I can be imperfect. I can share all of these parts of who I am and still be loved, be seen, be valued, be respected. And I really think that that is what we all want. That is what we all need as human beings. We all have the desire to feel heard and seen and loved and supported and elevated and uplifted and celebrated.
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And to me, that is what pride is all about. And I think it it's an invitation and an opportunity for each and every one of us to step even more into our authenticity and to create environments where everyone around us can be more real, more genuine, more authentic. So with that, I would love
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to share a little bit of my journey with all of you.
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My coming out story, if you will. So the first time that I kissed a girl was the summer after I graduated from high school. And I remember meeting this girl through like a youth group, a Jewish youth group kind
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of thing. And I remember, oh,
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my gosh, y'all like, this is like we're going back in time. She lived in the city and I lived in the suburbs of Chicago. That is where I grew up. And I remember we were chatting on like AOL Instant Messenger if you remember it at the time. And we were just, like, chatting and connecting, and I thought that she was really, really cool. And we started talking about kissing and, like, who was the last person you kissed? And then there was a question that got posed, if you could kiss anyone, who would it be? Like, if you could kiss anyone right now, who would you wanna kiss? And I just said, I think I said something like my, oh, I'd probably kiss my ex boyfriend. He was a really good kisser
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and that's that. And then I asked her, who would you wanna kiss? Crickets. Dot. Dot. Silence. And then she just said you. And I could feel this like
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energetic flood through my body of like, oh my gosh, like, what does that mean? And what do I do? And how does that feel? But I, I like, I definitely felt tingly and I definitely felt excited and a little bit nervous. Like, I remember my heart just like pounding and, you know, well, what does this mean? And I had boyfriends in high school and it was just
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never something that I knew was even possible,
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if I'm honest. Like, it wasn't like I was closeted or hiding who I was. It didn't, like, cross my level of awareness. And so we have this conversation, and then, I don't know, like, a week or two later, whenever it was, we decide to meet up. And what you do when you're 18 in the suburbs is you meet at a Barnes and Noble. Of course, that's what you do. And I remember we kissed in the Barnes and Noble, and my hands were like shaking. I was trembling.
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Again, I'm all like, what does this mean? And all of these things. And that was really, I mean, the beginning of my journey. The funny story now is that I'm still friends with this woman to this day, and the joke is that I'm the only woman she's ever kissed and she's been straight essentially ever since, which is maybe why I tend to like straight women. I blame that all on her. I typically am like one of the first women that a lot of the women that I previously dated have been with. Straight girls seem to
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be my type. I've done a
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lot of work to really unpack that and understand, well, wonder why that is. Not sure. But maybe it's because the first girl I kissed was straight. I don't know. So that kiss happened. You know, there was a couple times we hung out, we made out, it was flirty, it was fun,
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it wasn't like a relationship,
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but it was definitely an opportunity to, like, just explore this part of who I was. But I didn't decide, like, all of a sudden, like, now I'm gay. Like, even from the very beginning of my journey, it's been like, well, I'm into this person. I'm drawn to this person. I'm really I'm a big energy person as lots of you know, and I'm really drawn to people's energy. And this woman, she's a stand up comedian still to this day. She's freaking hilarious, and we had a really amazing connection. And so then, oh I went away to college, it really was my first time meeting lots
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of other gay people. And there
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was like the Lesbian Gayle Treat Alliance and like all these different groups and events that were happening. So it really allowed me to explore this part of myself that I really didn't even know existed. And I think most people knew that I was gay before I did. For a while, I was like, you know, again, like, I'm bi. I'm connected, like I'm drawn to different types of people, and attracted to energy, and this kind of thing. And the metaphor that I like to use
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is like it was like I grew up
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again, this is not real. This is a metaphor, everybody. Okay?
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It's like, I grew up taking only baths. This is the metaphor.
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And I didn't even know that showers existed. Right? So it wasn't like I didn't miss a shower because
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I didn't even know it was a thing. Right? So, like, I didn't miss kissing girls
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or I didn't wanna kiss girls because I didn't even know it was a thing. And then I went to college and I had a shower And I was like, why have I been taking baths this whole time? Showers
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are way better.
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That's how I felt. That's how I really feel about, like, that's my coming out story. That's my coming out journey as I took a shower. Meaning, I was with some women in college and that really opened the doors, opened my eyes. I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes. I was like, here we go. It felt like electricity. It felt like fire.
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It was more intense. I felt more emotionally connected. And again, like even as I explored relationships with women and my first real girlfriend, when I transferred schools to the East Coast. And that's when I met my first first girlfriend and I had my first relationship and that deep love and connection with this woman is what moved me to come out to my parents. Because I felt like it wasn't just about this, like, sexual identity. It was about not being able to share this person and this love with the people that I cared about. And it felt like I was not being honest with them. And I felt like I kinda had to, like, hide who this person was to me.
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Like, oh, are we, you know, friends or roommates or these, like, versus being honest and saying, like, you know?
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So I remember coming home.
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It was winter break of my junior year of college, and we went out to dinner one night, me and my parents, and then we got home and we were standing around the island in
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the kitchen. And I had been probably for, like,
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you know, since I'd been with this woman thinking about what I would say and how I would say it and how it would feel and just, like, going over and over in my
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head and really, like, trying
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to find the perfect time. There's never a perfect time for a hard conversation. I'll just put that one out there. So we're standing in the kitchen. My palms are shaking. I am sweating. My heart is pounding. And I take a deep breath and I just say, you know, there's something I wanna tell you.
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It's not easy for me to say or share because I'm I never wanna hurt you or disappoint you and get, like, this feels like it's an important thing for me to say and let you know that this person that I'm had been referring to as my friend isn't just my friend. She's my girlfriend and I'm in love with her. And that I still hope that you love me and support me and I don't wanna keep carrying this and hiding this and holding this back anymore. And I remember, like, I mean, I was, like, shaking and I was crying and they were crying. And the biggest feeling that I remember feeling in that moment was that they were sad. I think confused and disappointed because it's like I had had boyfriends in high school and so it's like, well, college made you gay and like this this kind of thing. I always knew that my parents loved me. So I wanna be super honest about that.
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And I never felt like I was, I'm so grateful that
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I was never kicked out of
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the house. I was never disowned. I think that I'm not a parent myself, but I would imagine all parents have a certain amount of hopes and dreams and expectations for their kids. And one
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of them, one of their
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images in their head was me walking down the aisle with a man and getting married. And so that
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kind of broke their expectations, if you will. And again, I
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think exposure is so, so important. I don't think they knew very many gay people. And I also think that one of their fears was they didn't want my life to be hard. And I think that was one of the fears and one of the thoughts and beliefs they had about being gay was that it's just a harder life. And we don't want you to have a harder life. We want you to have a great life. And I think that that's what every parent should want for their kid is to have a big, beautiful, amazing life. And to be happy.
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At the end of
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the day, that is again, I'm
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not a parent, but I just putting this out there in the world that the high number one goal, your kid is happy. Check. No matter who they
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are, who they love, that they are a happy, fulfilled human
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in the world, and they're happy with themselves. So anyway, I felt like after I share this, even though it was hard, I felt this like giant weight off my shoulders because the amount of time and energy that I had been spending thinking about what am I gonna say and how am I gonna say it and what are they gonna say? What are they gonna do and how are they gonna react? And, you know, my parents were really important to me, and I wanted to have a good relationship with them. And I wanted to be honest with them. And I also wanna say this, like, I had to work through my own feelings about it, and I also had to let them work through their own feelings about it. And like I said, I always knew that they still loved me. And it took some time and we had more conversations. But I will say 20 years later, everybody like it did not take 20 years, but we have an amazing relationship. They love me.
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They accept me. They support me. I have leaned on them when I've gone through really hard breakups and navigated the journey of love and of life. And I am so grateful for their love and for their support. And I think that they were doing the best that they knew how to do at the time. It's like we do our best until we know better. Right? So as much as I think wewant everybody else to have compassion for us, it's like I had to have compassion for them and finding their own way through that and processing
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in their own way. I am one of the lucky ones.
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I know that there are a lot of way harder coming out stories. And again, when I came out, it wasn't like this big, like, I'm gay moment. It was like, I am in love with this person, and I wanna acknowledge that there's no right way to come out. Right? Like, whether it's like you're in love with a person. It's like I would you used to say, like, I kiss girls or I really like women or women are hot. Like, sometimes even to this day, I was noticing myself when I was explaining like, I'm a gay woman like this. That's not necessarily something that I like lead with, or even something that I always feel comfortable with. I mean, I know I look very gay, and I am gay, but I still don't love the labels.
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And I know a lot of people, it's like, on one hand labels can be very empowering, and you can, like, find your people and identify with that. And on the other hand, I know that they can feel really limiting for some folks. And I think it's like you gotta find your own way through that maze of the fluidity of sexuality, of gender, of orientation, of who you're into, who you're attracted to. And I think it's like if that label serves you and nourishes you go for it. If it feels like it
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puts you in a box, find another way to say it, find another way to talk about it.
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So there's no right or wrong way to be gay or how you identify yourself. And I think that I just wanted to share a little bit of my journey and my story with all of you because it's honestly, it's not something that I talk a lot about. And when I give talks and I give keynotes, one of the things that I think about, you know, I'm not out there with my, like, rainbow flag other than the way that I look. Sometimes I talk to, like, more rural and more conservative groups of people. And I think that exposure is such an important way to help break down generalizations, break down stereotypes, break down fear. Like sometimes I'm like, I might be the only gay person they've ever met. And they're like, well, she seems pretty cool. Like, maybe they're all crazy, because it's like they're seeing what's been showing them on the news, right? And so I think I really try to enter into those rooms and the end of those conversations like, and I know that not everyone has this ability to do this.
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And I'm lucky in that I, I haven't experienced a lot of hate. I have experienced, like, comments here and there, but, like, I haven't experienced the amount of hate that other people have around their identities and orientations. And depending on how visible you are and what you look like, we all have different levels of hate that we have received. And how I like to be in the world is that I am accepted. I belong here and to claim that and not wait to be accepted, and that's really been a journey of self acceptance of, like, the more that I learned to accept me and all of me, I can show up fully. I can show up exactly as I am and not wait. It's like as much as I want to be, you know, appreciated and validated from others, it's like, how can I validate and appreciate myself so that when I walk into a room, I belong here because I belong to myself and I'm accepted here because I accept myself instead of like walking into a room and be like, is it okay for me to be me? And I know that that's not always an easy thing to do, and that is a journey and that is
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a work that I have done over
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a long period of time and making sure that we're also being safe. It's like, I just think I know there are people that I do know they're, they're looking for ways to not be accepted and we're going to see that every time. And it's like, can we look for the people that do? And can we help internalize our own self acceptance so that no matter what spaces and places we walk into, when you accept yourself, it's just such a more powerful way to be in the world. And how can we also be mindful of creating spaces and places where everyone is seen and appreciated and validated and celebrated and elevated and supported. And what does that look like to say, I see you, I hear you, I love you, like, you belong here. And how can we embrace that? How can we verbalize that? How can we name it? What are the actions that we can do? I know that it's like when I see a rainbow flag outside of a restaurant, like, I feel more welcome there. Like, there are symbols, and you might walk in and then still get treated poorly. So it's not just the symbols.
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It's also followed up by the actions of how we treat people and to treat people with love and kindness and respect and dignity and knowing that like there are a lot of people out in the world, especially trans folks of color, that are still being very brutalized and hurt in many, many ways. And so as a queer community too, like, how do we create spaces for everyone where people feel, again, welcome and seen and supported and included? And I just wanna acknowledge the pain that a lot of people in the queer community have gone through and have experienced. And I also wanna acknowledge and celebrate the resilience, And I wanna celebrate the love and I wanna celebrate the pride of just showing up as fully expressed as you like the biggest, most bold version of you. And that's really what this month is about and it's all of it. Right? So it is about celebrating. Love is love, and you can love anybody that you want. And it's also acknowledging, like, how far we've come and still how far we have to go and with inclusion and with trans rights. And so wherever you are, wherever you stand, I think that this is just an invitation to how much can you love you? And when we do that inner work, the world reflects that back.
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So my invitation is how much can you love yourself, celebrate yourself no matter where you are on your journey. If you're gay, if you're straight, if you're trans, if you're bi, if you're somewhere in the middle, I love you. I see you. I support you. I stand with you. And I just wanna send you all so much love. Wishing you a happy, happy pride month, a happy pride year, a happy pride life. And I hope that whatever I share today resonated with you, landed with you, and will support you on your journey.
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So that's our solo episode, pride edition first ever, and I hope you enjoy it. If this resonated with you, if this landed with you, feel free to share it, rate it, review it, send it to a friend. Let's spread the love because that is what it's all about. Alright, my friends. Until next time. Take care. Thank you for joining us on another inspiring episode of the Marli Williams podcast. We hope you're leaving here with renewed energy and valuable insights to fuel your leadership, coaching, and speaking endeavors.
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I'd love to invite you to subscribe, rate, and review this podcast to help us reach more aspiring leaders and speakers like you. We have more exciting episodes and remarkable guests lined up, so make sure to tune in next time. Until then, keep leading with purpose, coaching with heart, and speaking with conviction. This is Marli Williams signing off. See you next week.
