Unraveling the Illusion of Success: Finding Your Sweet Spot -22

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Marli Williams [: 00:00:00

Hey, everybody. What is happening? Welcome back to the Let's Lead Together podcast with your host, me, Marli Williams. Today, I am hanging out with my good friend, Rosemary Brensen, who is the CEO of the Department of Community where she helps women entrepreneurs create the life and business that truly lights them up and helps them find their sweet spot, which is what we are going to talk about today on the podcast. So, I can't wait to dive in to this powerful conversation with you today. So, let's go.

Marli Williams [: 00:00:36

Hey, everyone. What's happening? I am super stoked to welcome you to the Marli Williams podcast, where we will explore authentic leadership, transformational facilitation, and how to create epic experiences for your audiences every single time. I am your host, Marli Williams, bringing you thought provoking insights, expert interviews, and actionable strategies to unlock your potential as a leader, facilitator, and speaker. Thank you for joining me on this journey of growth, transformation, and impact. Let's Lead Together. The Marli Williams podcast begins now. Let's dive in.

Marli Williams [: 00:01:18

Alright, everybody. I would love to welcome you back to the Marli Williams podcast. Where today, I get to hang out with my good friend, Rosemary Brensen. And we just got back from Palm Springs together, hanging out at the Alt Summit, learning all about how to be entrepreneurs in this world, and that is what Rosemary is all about. She is an amazing business coach for women leaders. She is the CEO and founder of the Department of Community, where she's all about inspiring, empowering entrepreneurs to understand their money, their financial stuff in the world so that they can use that to make decisions on where to put their time, where to put their energy. So, Rosemary, thank you. Thank you. Thank you for being here today.

Rosemary Brensen [: 00:02:08

My pleasure.

Marli Williams [: 00:02:09

Well, I'm really excited to dive into this conversation around helping people, helping leaders in the world really find their sweet spot. I would love for you to share in your own words what it is that you do for people, teams, organizations, and what's lighting you up the most right now about that work?

Rosemary Brensen [: 00:02:32

Great question. I really feel like I give women entrepreneurs permission to just do whatever they want. So, whether that's, like, you want to have kids and you want to get off work at 2 PM to go pick them up every day, I help you figure that out. If you want to work remotely and, like, have this dream life where you travel all the time, I help you do that. If you want to take a sabbatical, I help you do that. If you want to scale to $5 million, I'm going to help you do that. I'm going to build a giant team, but it's all about what you want, not what society has told you to want. Just more money, more problems, more, more, more, more for the sake of just growth, because that's what we've been taught. Right? It's finding that sweet spot for every business. My sweet spot is very different than what it was 10 years ago when I had the Portland garment factory. We had 15 employees. We had 2 business partners. We had 5,000 square feet of space. Like, the sweet spot there was going to be more like 2 and a half million, probably. This business is really different. We cannot compare ourselves to each other.

Rosemary Brensen [: 00:03:32

Everyone has such different situations that we really have to go inward and look at what do we want for our life and how do we build that with the business we have? And a lot of times we do that with financial modeling, which is like looking at your numbers and improve it for your dream life.

Marli Williams [: 00:03:48

I love that so much because we live in this world where it is all about more, faster, better, stronger, just scale it and grow it, and, like, really pausing and asking ourselves for what purpose. Is it for the numbers? Is it the fame? Is it this, like, the popularity? Is it this illusion of what we think a successful business looks like or sounds like? Because someone could be making a $1 million but be miserable and also be actually taking home the same amount as someone making 250,000. Right? Because you have to have a team and you might have a space and, like, what's the cost of that? What is the cost of that illusion of success? And we're coaches. Of course, we ask the question, what do you really want your life to look like? And starting there, like, and really helping people cultivate that clarity for themselves so they know what their success metrics are.

Marli Williams [: 00:04:58

Success metrics aren't always the profit, and the money, and the clients. It's like, how much quality time am I spending with my partner on vacation, traveling with my kids, reading a book by the fireplace, going for hikes, like, spending time with friends, doing things that nourish you. And we were just at Alt Summit, and I found the closing keynote speaker there sold her business for $225 million. And some people could look at that and look at that as like, that is the ultimate success.

Marli Williams [: 00:05:37

Like, oh my God, selling my business for 200, you know, and yet did she enjoy that journey of getting there? Does she enjoy her life where it is now? Again, it's almost like that the message that we get from society that, like, that's success. And is it? Like, question mark. Right? And I know you had a pretty strong reaction to that, and I think helped you even, like, double down even more on your, like, this is why I do what I do. Because so many people are, like, going after this goal post that might not be yours.

Rosemary Brensen [: 00:06:08

She was sold that idea. That was what success looks like. And I just feel she drank the Kool Aid early on and so did I. I've been in that position of just, like, just grinding for the sake of it because I'm just like, well, we got to get there and we're just going to force it. And, like, Jesus Christ. We've all drank that Kool Aid, and so we have to consciously uncouple ourselves from the fact that that is what success looks like. I just wished so much that you were the fucking keynote.

Marli Williams [: 00:06:37

The seed has been planted, baby. That is happening. And, you know, what I find so fascinating when I see someone on stage at an event like this who's doing, like, the closing keynote, just because people have written a book or have a brand doesn't mean that they're good at connecting with an audience and inspiring people and encouraging people. And the end of an event like that, you want to leave feeling like lit up, fired up. Let's go energy. And she was just sitting down, like, having a cup of coffee on stage. It fell really flat, it sounded like, for a lot of people. It was an interesting insight and awareness, AHA, for me to be like, where can I own my magic even more? Being like, I don't need those accolades. I don't need, like, the book and the followers. It's like, I know that I am exceptional at getting on stage and helping people connect to themselves, connect to a vision, inspiring them to take a new action right here, right now. We're all going to do one thing that's going to move the needle in the direction of our hopes, our goals, our dreams. And I think both of us in that moment having that awareness of this is what I'm here to do.

Rosemary Brensen [: 00:07:55

Oh, so fucking powerful. And it was so interesting after that. It was, like, giving me permission all over again. Coaches need coaches. I lead people in shit like that all the time, and it's powerful and potent and, like, so necessary for the process. And it's just so important to be let even if you have the tools to also have a coach and to, like, get help. Because even if you know the thing, you might not be doing the thing because of whatever your shit is. You know? You need someone to hold space for you.

Marli Williams [: 00:08:26

Yeah. We intellectually know these things. And, yeah, we might be the people guiding others through them. But how important it is if you are a space holder, 1-on-1 or in a group container. It's like, who's holding space for you to drop in, to go there, and to have those opportunities for you to pause, reflect, be held, be supported, and really get to connect to this, like, where am I going, and what am I doing this for? And having, like you said, this, like, Polaroid picture in your memory bank, it's a future memory that is now so strong, and it's wired into your nervous system. And when you have that Polaroid picture, it makes it feel so real and so tangible.

Rosemary Brensen [: 00:09:12

Oh my god. Totally. When I sold Portland garment factory, I didn't know what I was going to do. I was trying to visualize what the next thing is, and the only thing I could get was nursing barefoot in the grass in the middle of a Tuesday. Whatever it is, I'm going to be able to nurse in the grass in the middle of a Tuesday. And it's been my North Star this whole time. I got huge opportunities after people found out that I left PGF. And okay. Do I get to nurse in the grass on the middle of a Tuesday with this opportunity? If no, it's a no, I'm so sorry. My ego really wants to take this. Like, this would be a very high-powered thing, but that's just not the life I'm building. And every time it happens, I don't nurse anymore my children. But every time I have one of those moments, I'm like, hey. Here I am in the middle of a Tuesday, like, taking a nap with my kid in the middle of the day. I'm just like, I am on the path. This is the path I wanted.

Rosemary Brensen [: 00:10:10

The number one thing that has, like, brought me to this success that I'm in now is saying no. Because a million things will come your way, and you have to know what's for you and what's not and be okay to say no.

Marli Williams [: 00:10:22

I love that so much. How that future visualization that you had, it wasn't like, oh, I know I want to build a coaching business and have this many clients and make this much money. It's like, this is what I want my life to look like.

Rosemary Brensen [: 00:10:36

Totally. Your Hell YES skill set. The end of that conference, if someone was like, she bailed, can you give the keynote like, hand me the mic. You'd be like, hell, yes. That is your million-dollar skill set. If we say hell no or no, those things actually harm us, cost us money through doing our own bookkeeping or whatever. It's like, that's not my skill set. Why am I not just paying someone to do that for me? Because that's their hell yes. They love that shit. You get to play only in the yes, and the hell yes, and hopefully, eventually, just the hell yes. That is where the money is. It's not the reverse of that. That oh, I wish I could do the hell yes, but the money’s not there. It is there. I promise.

Marli Williams [: 00:11:20

Yeah. And it's again, it's trusting in that. It's leaning in. It's like, how can I double down on the hell yes, and what does that look like to let go of the rest? And I feel like being unapologetic too. I want to be on stage, and I'm really freaking good at it.

Rosemary Brensen [: 00:11:40

You are. You're so fucking good at it. And no offense, but you probably suck at being an accountant.

Marli Williams [: 00:11:45

100%.

Rosemary Brensen [: 00:11:46

So, you should be an amazing keynote speaker and accountants who love that shit to be in our pajamas doing your taxes, they should be doing that, and we should be paying them well to do that shit for us. I want to be talking on stage. I want to be helping someone transform their business. Like, I can't be bothered with that shit anymore. And it feels so good to be surrounded by people who want to support you in their special thing.

Marli Williams [: 00:12:15

Let people help you. And, like, this has been one of my challenges. As an Aries, my tendency is just to do all the things. But when it comes to, like, letting things go and letting someone else be in their hell, yes, I think it's letting go of control. Your things that aren't your jam, someone else loves to do.

Rosemary Brensen [: 00:12:37

Totally. Like, imagine if you just got to have an itinerary for the next 6 months with all of your speaking engagements, all your flights booked, all the things just right there for you, and the person knew your vision and the kinds of things you wanted to say no to and just helped you just book that shit. And all you got to do is just get on the plane, hand you the mic, and then you would deliver your shit. That's the fucking name. Right? My assistant now, she's so awesome, and she loves sleuthing around the back end of my website. I'm just like, thank God you exist because I was just about to throw my computer over this balcony.

Marli Williams [: 00:13:15

That is how I feel 80% of the time. And realizing, again, as someone who's been pretty much a solopreneur for the past 8 years, I think, letting go of the illusion that I have to do it all alone, and that there are people that want to help me, and they want to help me win and succeed. And again, they have skills that I don't have that can exponentially expedite so many things that if I were to do it, it would take me like a billion hours. And for them, it's like 2 hours. Done. Check. What's next, right? Coming back to this idea of finding your sweet spot, knowing what it is that you want your life to look like. I want to have the freedom to live the life that I want to live and do the things that I love to do.

Marli Williams [: 00:14:03

So, I think, again, knowing that. And then as it comes to entrepreneurship, that sweet spot of, like, what is the thing you can't not do? Like, speaking in front of a group or having a microphone or, you know, we were just, like, on a friend trip vacation, but it's like, I can't turn the facilitator off. That's just how I roll, so.

Rosemary Brensen [: 00:14:23

That was so inspiring to be with that group of people. Those women are all, we are all in our power and in our purpose. And we were just laughing because the entire time we're having pizza and wine, coaching each other, making each other cry. We're just laughing at ourselves because we're like, we are obsessed with the work we do so much that we can't. Even when we're on vacation, we're still just so excited to do it with each other.

Marli Williams [: 00:14:47

Yeah. And that's knowing your sweet spot. I'm still learning and growing. Like, how can I be a better speaker? And I just did this facilitation training, and I'm like, oh, I want to use these tools in the work that I do to make what I do even better. I went to a 3-day long facilitation training. I've been facilitating for 20 years. It was so fun to be in a room of, like, virtual room of, like, 200 facilitators. We're all, like, facilitating, geeking out on the nuances of how do you ask the right question. Right? We're like, oh, testing your question and trying out, and I love that.

Rosemary Brensen [: 00:15:28

If people are following you, if people are listening to your podcast, I feel like you've already probably lit that fire in their soul. How do we actually get to do this full time? I know what I want to do. How does the money come from this thing? You and I have talked about this even in our own lives. Like, sales is probably something that we cannot hire someone else to do. Get a family helper. Like, I just hired a family helper. She, like, helps me with my children and my laundry and my dishes. I'm like, yes. Like, and I have an assistant. And those things, are like very low hanging fruit to hire help. But sales, it really is for a lot of us about our magic coming through to people. Stepping into your power in terms of, I know what the fire is. Now, how do I sell it? I mean, we could have a whole podcast episode just about sales, because that is a giant brick wall. How do you turn it into dollars? Right? And that is being willing to fucking say all the hard things and talk about the magic that you bring. Not because it's like, I am amazing, and I have all the experience, and it's not about you. It's about the people in the audience. It's about the person on the other side of the screen who literally felt like quitting right before she got on the call with me, and I'm going to help her find the literal map to getting out of her distress. Like, it is not about your ego or all these things were afraid of feeling salesy or smarmy or all the things. Right?

Marli Williams [: 00:17:03

Yeah. I have a little equation that I like to use, especially at the beginning. Connections. If you want to have a business, it's like being in a relationship with people. Who are the people that already know you, that already like you, that already trust you? It's not about, like, doing a bunch of Facebook ads because that's not where to start the journey. I will say that. Connection plus confidence equals currency. Who's in your network? And you know how they say, like, your network is your net worth kind of thing? Like, who's in your sphere of influence? And then I think that the hardest part about at the beginning of people's journey is having the confidence to sell yourself.

Rosemary Brensen [: 00:17:47

I'm with people who have been in business for 10 years who are struggling with it.

Marli Williams [: 00:17:51

Yeah. Confidence isn't either something that you have or you don't have. It is a muscle that you build and you strengthen. And I think that underneath that confidence is self-trust and worthiness. And, really, at the end of the day, it would be like, Marli, what do you do? I help people believe in themselves enough to take action. It's like, what do you need to believe about yourself, about your work to put it out there? And I think that at the beginning, what we don't have is, like, the evidence. It's the illusion that we don't have the evidence.

Rosemary Brensen [: 00:18:32

When I was in college and I knew that I could graduate in 3 years if I just did went to the city college for this one prerequisite, and then I doubled down when I’m about to graduate early, she was me. She was this hustler over here. Who's making shit happen in high school when it's been me the whole time.

Marli Williams [: 00:18:48

How do you guide people through that process? Or when they're at the beginning, they're like, well, I know what I'm freaking love to do, but how am I ever going to get paid to, like, be an interior designer or help people, like, with their style? I want to be a style coach or whatever. Like, I love shopping for people. But no one would ever pay me to do that. Or a lot of people, I think too will say, I would just do it for free. And it's like, also, you have to pay rent, but I hear you.

Rosemary Brensen [: 00:19:16

Totally. That's a good sign, though. That's what our flow is. Right? That's a good sign. We're not going to get tired of doing it. Right. So, for me, that's the how. People are stuck on the how. I do a strategy day, which is like a half day intensive, where you just come with all your shit. And I just, like, clean it all up and tell you what to do and then send you off into the world with, like, your map of how to get there basically. A lot of people are stuck on, well, I think I want to do this, but I'm not sure how much to charge or how many things should it include, or it's like, the how is so hard. And if it's not a how, if you keep having the same how problem, it's not a how problem. It's a who problem. And so, find your who that helps you get through that. Right? Literally at the end of a strategy day, I just hand you the map, your priorities, the things you have to do first. We've dove into each one. You know exactly what it looks like. You know exactly how much to charge. You know exactly what each package is. It's getting through that how because we can stay there forever instead of actually figuring the shit out. And then, like you said, take action.

Marli Williams [: 00:20:16

I think that a lot of people get stuck, and that's why they would hire someone like you to really help them have a game plan. Map it out.

Rosemary Brensen [: 00:20:24

I want to make sure that they're working towards a sweet spot because I find so many people come to me and they're like, oh, no. But I've only been charging this much or whatever. But if we don't have that sweet spot in mind when we're starting out, we're not going to be building towards that. We're going to be driving in this fully different direction. Like, oh, shit. I should have been, like, charging this much or doing it this way, but instead I did it this way and I kind of went down this weird rabbit hole. Right? Like, we punched the numbers and it doesn't need to be fancy. Like, literally I do it on scratch paper in these strategy days because I'm like, okay, cool. Like, what would your capacity be? Could you do 100 of these a month, or could you only do 10? Okay. If it's only 10, then we better make it a good price so that you get to capacity and you're like, shit. I'm only making this much. This isn't even sustainable.

Marli Williams [: 00:21:09

Right. Exactly. I think some people want to see the whole staircase, and it's like we just need to take one step at a time. Have one sales call, have one conversation, make one offer, test things out. And I always come back to the idea of that everything is just a giant experiment anyway. And sometimes, we take ourselves so seriously. It's like, let's just give it a go. And if you're in a business right now where you're feeling overwhelmed, overworked, burnout, stressed out, I think it's giving yourself permission to hit the pause button and reassess. And at any point, we can change our mind.

Rosemary Brensen [: 00:21:48

When I thought about leaving PGF, I was like, I thought this was going to be my forever. No. There was a version when I was going to do something different, and that's okay. If we start thinking like this is my golden handcuff for the rest of my life, like, so much pressure. You know?

Marli Williams [: 00:22:03

It's a lot of pressure versus, like, what's lighting me up today, right now, right here? Like, I think it's finding that balance between, again, what's the future vision? But, again, it might not be about your career. It might be about, I'm sitting in this beautiful house with these giant windows, drinking my favorite cup of coffee, and I'm cuddled up with my puppy and my wife and my blanket and, like, all these things, and that that's the true north. And so, for the listeners out there, take some time to really think about what is the life that I'm building, and is it in alignment with my values and finding your sweet spot, whatever that looks like for you. So, I'd love for you to share with the crew here where they can find you, learn more about you, hire you, all the things. You have some amazing, like, strategy days and things that you do with people. And, of course, any final thoughts you want to leave people with today as they go out into their world trying to find their sweet spot?

Rosemary Brensen [: 00:23:05

Great questions. You can find me on Instagram, Department of Community, and you're going to find some real talk videos of me on there. My website, departmentofcommunity.com. You can book a vision call where I walk you through a guided visualization for yourself, into your future. Those are really cool. Or a book, that strategy day that I was talking about or a million other offerings that might be perfect for where you're at. And I will just leave you with, you get to do whatever the fuck you want in case you didn't know. I give you permission. Marli gives you permission to do whatever you want. If you want help finding how the money is going to follow you in that, find someone who can help you do that. I can totally help you do that. Find someone who's going to light the fire under your ass. That's Marli Williams for you, and build community. That's what it's all about. Women especially are not meant to do this alone. We are the community builders, and we thrive in community. So, find your people.

Marli Williams [: 00:24:05

So good. Permission granted. Do whatever the fuck you want. Find your people. Live your hell yes life. Find your sweet spot. The money will come. Trust that what is meant for you will not miss you.

Marli Williams [: 00:24:19

So, thank you so much, Rosemary, for being here today and sharing your heart, your wisdom, your thoughts with the people out there. And thank you all for listening, for joining us for this conversation. Would love to hear your thoughts, insights, reflections, takeaways, and tell us what your hell yes life looks like. Until next time. Take care.

Marli Williams [: 00:24:42

Thank you for joining us on another inspiring episode of the Marli Williams podcast. We hope you're leaving here with renewed energy and valuable insights to fuel your leadership, coaching, and speaking endeavors. I'd love to invite you to subscribe, rate, and review this podcast to help us reach more aspiring leaders and speakers like you. We have more exciting episodes and remarkable guests lined up, so make sure to tune in next time. Until then, keep leading with purpose, coaching with heart, and speaking with conviction. This is Marli Williams, signing off. See you next week.