Creating Brave Spaces for Growth & Transformation -41

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Marli Williams [: 00:00:00

Everybody. What is happening? Welcome back to the Marli Williams podcast. For this week, you are in for a treat. I'm hanging out with one of my incredible mentors, Preston Smiles, who is the author of his new book coming out called The Spiritual Millionaire. And this week on the podcast, we are diving deep into the idea of how to scale your business through intimacy. How to lean into being a transformational guide and facilitator for others, how to hold people with both support and challenge, and really kind of geeking out on how to create really powerful, deeply transformational experiences that change people's lives. If you are a facilitator, a coach, a guide for people, you gotta listen to this episode. Cannot wait to dive in.

Marli Williams [: 00:00:54

Let's do this. Hey, everyone. What's happening? I am super stoked to welcome you to the Marli Williams podcast where we will explore authentic leadership, transformational facilitation, and how to create epic experiences for your audiences every single time. I am your host, Marli Williams, bringing you thought provoking insights, expert interviews, and actionable strategies to unlock your potential as a leader, facilitator, and speaker. Thank you for joining me on this journey of growth, transformation, and Alright, everybody. I'd love to welcome you back to the Marla Williams podcast where this week I am hanging out with the epic, the powerful, the amazing, Preston Smiles. If you've not heard of Preston, he is a force to be reckoned with. He is a thought leader, the author of his new book coming out, The Spiritual Millionaire.

Marli Williams [: 00:02:04

He's a father. He's a husband, and overall, epically amazing human. Preston, so stoked to have you here.

Preston Smiles [: 00:02:11

Let's get it, Marli. Pumped to be had.

Marli Williams [: 00:02:14

Love it. Well, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I got to meet you in person. I know lots of people see you online. And one thing that I just wanna reflect back to you is you walk the talk as a leader, as a guide, as a mentor, as a facilitator and getting to be in the same room with you in real life is just such a powerful experience. And I've done a lot of personal development work, leadership work, like I'm here for it, like show me how I could be a better human, you know, and Bridge and Extreme and the work that I did with you and Alexi was hands down the most powerful experience that I've ever had.

Marli Williams [: 00:02:52

So if anyone's out there wants to get their ass kicked in the best way possible, you gotta check that out. So, I'm stoked to dive into this conversation with you today and really looking at, you know, how the people out there listening, entrepreneurs, coaches, leaders, facilitators, how they can think about scaling their business in a thoughtful, intentional way to build and create intimacy and, ultimately, what you stand for and what I stand for is transformation. You know, how do we not just put on another event or another workshop where people leave with like a bunch of notes, but that their life doesn't actually shift or change in any way. So I'm just stoked to geek out with you on how to do that and what that looks like. So we'll kick things off from there. And, yeah, if you have anything else to say or share about who you are in the world or what you're up to, feel free to do that too.

Preston Smiles [: 00:03:47

I'm sure we'll get to it. Here's what I'll say. You know, I've been in this self development world since 2005 when I had a heart condition come up. And from 2005 till today, there are some principles and some things that I've been living from that have been extremely supportive. 11 years ago, I was living with my mom teaching surf lessons, and, you know, I'm doing this podcast from, our 4 acre multimillion dollar property with 3 houses on it, and that's a pretty big jump from surf instructor to, you know, multimillionaire and entrepreneur and father and husband and all the different things and business owner. And one of the big pieces that has remained throughout my entire career is treating people like family over dollar signs. There's a distinct feeling that you get when you know somebody actually really cares about you and about your success and is formulating and setting up their business or their transformational program with that in mind.

Preston Smiles [: 00:04:59

Right. Some people and I'm gonna give you an example. When I used to teach surf lessons on Venice Beach, there were other surf schools, and they eventually told on me. They tattletaled because I didn't have a license to do it, but they told on me because I was helping people too fast. Yeah. It's crazy. Listen to this. So in the surf world, if you can drag out the lessons, then you get more money.

Preston Smiles [: 00:05:25

So, okay. I'd get there at 6 AM and I'd have 2 clients. This surf school would get there at 6 AM. They'd have 2 or 3 clients. This one would get there. We're all in there. We see each other. I see them.

Preston Smiles [: 00:05:37

They see me. And I would teach my people in 30 minutes or less. And I would tell them that as they were walking up. I'd say, hey. Are you ready to surf today? And they'd be like, oh, no. I'm a little overweight, and or I'm yeah. I've never done this, or I almost drowned when I was 7. And I say, no.

Preston Smiles [: 00:05:52

No. No. We're gonna surf today. Within 30 minutes, you'll be surfing, and I'll be taking a picture of you on the board. And long story short, what I realized was that if I just actually really helped them and I didn't bullshit and try to drag it out, but I actually built a curriculum that could actually help them, That in the long run, I would make more money by way of these people really achieving the thing that they were there to do, which is surf, than me dragging out over 5 lessons. Right? I would have people up and surfing within 20 to 30 minutes while the other teams, the other surf schools, they'd still be on the sand talking. And then those people would see, and they'd be like, well, they just got here and they're surfing. And they were getting so upset with me that they wouldn't told, and they got me, like, kicked off the beach.

Preston Smiles [: 00:06:39

But the point is is that that's the same principle I have, and I think everybody should have in their business when it comes to leadership, when it comes to transformation, what is actually necessary to support this human being? The people who are here, how can I treat them like family? How can I serve them in such a way that they never need me or never need to come back again?

Marli Williams [: 00:06:59

And looking at that perspective of what did they come here for and how can I help them get there in the most effective, efficient way possible, right? That of, like you said, dragging it out over however long, for what purpose and the illusion that that's going to make more money. When you do that, what I've seen in your communities is you create, I mean, a family, but also like raving fans and people that want to champion you, support you, share your work in the world because of the transformation they've received. And because I think they feel like, I think one thing that I heard you say that you didn't say was to hold someone in their fullest potential.

Preston Smiles [: 00:07:45

Mhmm.

Marli Williams [: 00:07:46

Right? Like, the person with the excuses, and I don't know how, and I can't. You're like, I got you. And that's something that I think that you and Alexei both do so beautifully, so magically. And it's like and I'm willing to do kind of whatever it takes for you to see that. And yeah. And it's magic.

Preston Smiles [: 00:08:05

It is. That's one of the things that a lot of people don't get or see until later how good we actually are at facilitation because you make it so fun and so crazy. And it seems like we're out of control, but we're never out of control. We are literally taking all kinds of things in and it's a very purposeful, intentional feather ruffle, if you may.

Marli Williams [: 00:08:27

Mhmm.

Preston Smiles [: 00:08:27

But the big piece is, and this is when it comes to manifestation in general, we have to offer the vibration of the thing we desire before we ever see it. And so people walk in our rooms before they even walk in our room, we already see them seeing themselves as perfect, whole, and complete. When we speak to them, no matter how much they say at the top layer, we're looking beyond that going, no. No. No. You don't. You just forgot who you are.

Preston Smiles [: 00:08:54

Yeah. I get it. You've been so traumatized that you think that you're unworthy. You think that you're somehow bad or wrong. You think that you need to make up something for how you are, your sexual orientation, or x, y, and z. We don't give a flying crap about that because we see the truth beyond the quote unquote facts. And I think that when it comes circling back to people who are listening to this podcast, it's super important that you relook at your business model. You relook at your workshop, you relook at however you're doing it. And you say, is this set up in such a way that it's more about them than it is about the ego tricks? And I'm going to put my hand up here for this one.

Preston Smiles [: 00:09:35

When we first started, we wanted to show off all of our exercises and our tricks. Right? And at some point, we went, oh, no, no. They're not doing anything with these notes. This isn't actually helping. It's a nice thing to have quotable tweet moments in x, y, and z. But what does that do to their somatic body? Does it actually help them, or is it just more mind stuff? And so coaches, healers, light workers, therapists, leaders in this space, notice where you wanna do the triple Lindy or whatever when that's not what's necessary in the moment. Right?

Marli Williams [: 00:10:11

Yeah. And I think that that idea of holding people in that space of whole and complete and seeing their greatness so that, like, as you're speaking to them, they feel that. And, again, being willing to kind of do whatever it takes to invite them into that space. And sometimes, it's hard to hear. Sometimes, it's triggering. And one thing that I saw you both do so brilliantly, this idea of challenge and support when we're leading and holding a space. How can I, like, love you so fiercely into your greatness?

Preston Smiles [: 00:10:47

Mhmm.

Marli Williams [: 00:10:47

And also call you out on your BS.

Preston Smiles [: 00:10:50

That part.

Marli Williams [: 00:10:51

But with love. Because I've seen people do it without it. Right? And that's kind of this, like, it comes in and it doesn't land and people walk out and they're triggered in a way that can be even more traumatizing.

Preston Smiles [: 00:11:04

Correct.

Marli Williams [: 00:11:05

But there's a way to do it. Yes. Again, it's like when I was there as a facilitation geek, I was like, oh my god. This is so fucking brilliant. Like, everything that you do with, like, how it's all set up. And like you said, you're taking in so much information all the time. Who's sitting where? Who's doing what? Who's speaking up? Who's not? Like, the amount that you're aware of as a facilitator to be able to call people up to their greatness, not call people out, call people up. It's like, I see you. I see you hiding. I see your ego wanting to look good and get it right. That about right?

Preston Smiles [: 00:11:47

Mhmm.

Marli Williams [: 00:11:48

And so what thoughts or advice would you give people out there of how to do that? Because I think that what I saw was like, wow, I think I'm a lot more of a cheerleader. And like, you're great and you got this and blah, blah, blah. You know? But am I willing to call people up? And what am I afraid of if I do that? Like that ego of you don't care whether or not I like you in that moment. It's like, do we wanna be liked, or do we wanna be loved?

Preston Smiles [: 00:12:16

Yes.

Marli Williams [: 00:12:17

It's that moment. Yep. How did you learn to how to do that? And Here's what it is.

Preston Smiles [: 00:12:22

It's super important, especially if you don't have, like a lot of know, like, and trust before they walk in the room, that the context setting of the space is really, really handled because we sort of share a lot in the beginning. Hey, We are going to come for your ego. We are going to annihilate that part of you that runs the show. And we give examples, but we're also making it fun and funny. And here's the piece, outing ourselves in it so that they don't feel like we're this is sage from the stage, and I'll tell you lowly people what to do. But like, hey, here's what's common for most humans. We all have this thing called a nervous system.

Preston Smiles [: 00:13:09

We all have experienced different layers of trauma and shame and guilt. We all have blood on our hands from something that we've been hiding, and you're already awesome. All we're gonna do here is build on top of what's awesome by extracting what no longer serves you. Now, sometimes that's gonna feel like a sacred bitch slap. And sometimes that's gonna feel like the most loving quantum space you've ever been in. And all of it look around, look around the room. Right? This is where we connect people. One of the biggest pieces.

Preston Smiles [: 00:13:41

For those of you who've never done bridge or extreme, let me just share something with you. We can have a 100 people in the room, and every 5 bridges we do will lose 1 person out of a 100. Like our quote unquote retention rate is like 99.9999 percent. And we go far. We go really far. We push edges, and we almost never lose anyone. Meaning, no one ever goes, I'm not coming back. And even if they do, they come back and they go, I'm so glad I did.

Preston Smiles [: 00:14:11

That was all my ego. I was so scared. I was finally in a place where somebody saw me so completely that I just wanted to run away. And I'm sharing that because, again, if you wanna scale your business, one of the fastest, best ways to scale it is to create an environment where people really love each other, where they feel safe to be all of themselves. Because everybody's looking for the conscious mom or dad they never got. So if you can stand in that role as a leader and go, I'll be your mom. I'll be your dad. I'll be your teacher.

Preston Smiles [: 00:14:42

I'll be your sister. And I will hold you. Here's my boundaries. And go crazy. I got it. Well, there's a point where, you know, you come out of the spasming of your tantrum and you go, they're still here. And not only are they still here, they they're, like, genuinely, like, seeing me and loving on me. And again, people think it's all the yes to ads, yes to putting up big stages and lights and cameras and all that stuff.

Preston Smiles [: 00:15:07

But let me tell you something. Cameras take away intimacy. Often, People will go there. They just won't go all the way there when the cameras are off. Right? Let's say somebody has a 100 secrets or 50. They'll share the safer end of those. But the scary ones, the ones that actually hold them back, they're not saying that on camera. I was coaching a friend recently who has a big event, and we were talking about this very thing.

Preston Smiles [: 00:15:33

It's like, I said, I don't do anything for break even. Everything is profit, and we don't even have to run that much ads or anything like that because there's so much word-of-mouth and referral that it just takes care of itself. And he was like, how do you do that? And I was like, take the cameras away. You got enough footage already. Take the cameras away. Take the thrills and all that stuff and just see how you can get everybody closer to each other. Because when you feel like you're in a family, you never wanna leave the family.

Marli Williams [: 00:16:03

Yeah. And I think that that's such a missing piece for a lot of people. They think the value is in the slides and the content. And then, like you said, the exercises, and the exercises can be powerful. But that intimacy and that shared experience, and, like, what are some things that you offered him or would offer people on really building that sense of connection and intimacy? One thing that you said was studying the context or the container. And just, like, in essence, what I heard you say was, like, I got you. And it's okay to fuck up here and to be messy here and to not get it right here.

Marli Williams [: 00:16:45

And to like, what is the, you know, when you talk about bringing the weather, what is the tone and the temperature and the context that you wanna set at the at the beginning to allow people to show up fully and actually change and transform?

Preston Smiles [: 00:17:03

Mhmm. So There's a few things that never fail. One of them is testimonials. So one of the best things anybody could do when throwing an event is have people who've done your event before in that audience or holding space as coaches and give them an opportunity because it's one thing for you to say, hey, this is life changing x, y, and z. It's a whole another for somebody to stand up and say, hey, I just flew here from Toronto, and I'm coming to do this for free because it changed my life forever. You know, I was in the middle of a divorce. I was x, y, and z. And now I'm here, here, and here.

Preston Smiles [: 00:17:36

And, like, I'm just back to give to you all. Well, if I'm sitting in the audience and I hear somebody say that, I'm like, okay. Maybe what he said is real. Right? Yeah. So one, testimonials before, during, after. Right? Number 2, audience participation soon. So how some people set up their seminars and workshops is they will have them sitting there taking notes and quiet like it's school. Right? You're back in the 8th grade sitting there is looking around.

Preston Smiles [: 00:18:07

And if you notice, like, before people make it to the elevator for bridge, before they could get in the building, we have a hug squad outside. We have people greeting them. We have like it's we're instantly saying, hey, you are in a different space. This is an altered reality. Your regular life is out there. This is a different life. You're entering into our vortex, our ecosystem, which means you have to make the ecosystem feel good. Everybody's nervous.

Preston Smiles [: 00:18:35

Everybody's nervous. They're sitting in that chair and they're going, oh my god. Do I have to poop? Oh my god. Should I run? Oh my god. Is this a mistake? Oh my god. I I have work to do. I should probably just leave right now. We get on it quick.

Preston Smiles [: 00:18:46

Look around the room. There's a bunch of weirdos in here. You're a weirdo. High five that weirdo. And we'll have everybody go, oh, yeah. Yeah. We're we are weird. Right? One of the things I do, and all of you can steal this, is I will this is a newer thing I do is I'll have everybody look around and I'll say, if there's a 1000 people in your lineage and your actual family, you are the one, maybe 2 generational curse breaker.

Preston Smiles [: 00:19:13

That's who's in this room right now. The people in this room are the 1 in 50 in your family. Your sister's not here. Your brother's not here. Your mom's not here. Your dad's not here. None of your cousins are here. You are the one.

Preston Smiles [: 00:19:26

You're the rock. You're the one that takes care of people. You're the one who's breaking things and opening up space for everybody else. Just understand who you're sitting next to. You may look different, but internally, all of you caught the same call. The same thing hit you, which is there's gotta be more. Now that instantly makes them go, oh, shit. He's right.

Preston Smiles [: 00:19:48

That's actually true. I am that in my family. Yeah. And the next person's going, oh, so am I. So now we have camaraderie. Even if you're, you know, if I'm Indian and this person's, you know, Israeli or whatever the case is, we instantly go, oh, no. We're the same. We're breaking down walls because we did the same thing in our family.

Marli Williams [: 00:20:08

Yeah. How do you break down those walls kinda, like you said, right away and not wait? And to create that again, like, when people walk in the room, no. Number 1, they're nervous.

Preston Smiles [: 00:20:19

Mhmm.

Marli Williams [: 00:20:20

Their nervous system is activated. How do you want people to feel the moment they walk in the room? Right? I say doors open at 8, the vents are at 9. What's happening during that hour? Or half an hour or however long that is. And are you being intentional about that time and space? And how do you help people connect and engage with each other right out the gate to build that sense of look around the room, look who's here. And I love the concept. Like, every circle is perfect.

Preston Smiles [: 00:20:51

Mhmm.

Marli Williams [: 00:20:51

And that all of you were called to this moment for a reason. And I kind of do this moment, like, look around the room. There is someone in this circle or this room that will change your life.

Preston Smiles [: 00:21:02

Mhmm.

Marli Williams [: 00:21:02

Might be me, might be the person next to you, might be the person across from you. But trust that you are all meant to be here for a reason.

Preston Smiles [: 00:21:09

Mhmm.

Marli Williams [: 00:21:10

And like, you are the one that like, there's a 1,000,000 things you could be doing right now. And you chose you.

Preston Smiles [: 00:21:17

Yes.

Marli Williams [: 00:21:18

You chose to be here. And that speaks volumes about who you are, and the type of leader that you are called to be. So I love that that container setting. And like, you know, we're all a bunch of weird, like, just kind of like letting people break free of all of the noise that's in their head. Like, do I belong? Right? All the questions. Do I belong here? Is it for me? Are these my people? Am I gonna fit in? Blah blah blah. Like, all of that is happening.

Preston Smiles [: 00:21:50

All of it.

Marli Williams [: 00:21:51

All of it. So what are some things that you do Yes. To hold such powerful space for people and come from this place of, like, I got you. I'm good. Let's go there. Because I think that that, you know, people before they lead an event, a workshop, a seminar, they also get nervous beforehand because they're like, oh my god, these people are maybe flying here from, you know, time is the most valuable resource we have. You don't wanna mess up. Like all the noise that could be happening in your head as a speaker, as a leader, as a facilitator.

Marli Williams [: 00:22:25

So what are some of your practices you do, like, before, during, or after an event to, like, help you be such a powerful guide for people?

Preston Smiles [: 00:22:35

Yeah. Yep. So, as you know, we're doing an apprenticeship right now, and this is some of the stuff we've been really helping them understand. And it all boils down to one thing, which is, are you making it about you, or are you making it about them? And I instantly the moment we walk through those doors, the moment we walk through the doors of wherever hotel, wherever we're at, it's no longer me. I am a vessel, a beacon, a light. I'm in the conversation of God use me in whatever way you need me to be. And that makes everything else unnecessary. It just sort of falls off because now I'm in an altered state.

Preston Smiles [: 00:23:14

And we tell our coaches that all the time. Okay. You got 6 more minutes to be you as a regular person. The one minute before we open those doors, I need you to go deep. This is instantly you are going into an altered state. You're going the state of love, the state of bliss, the state of connection, the state of fierce love. This is no longer about you. And so just by tapping into that and going, nope, here, it elevates you above everything.

Marli Williams [: 00:23:43

I love that. And one of my mantras that's very similar to that before I am in front of a room is just to show up and serve. Yes. To show up and serve. And I want to reiterate this idea that instead of making it about you, again, that ego is tricky.

Preston Smiles [: 00:23:58

Mhmm.

Marli Williams [: 00:23:59

I want to look good and get it right. I want to do all the things. I want to say all the right things. I don't want to mess up. Versus like, I am here to serve these people fiercely, boldly, powerfully. And almost like you said, it's like you get into altered state of mind and being of pure service.

Preston Smiles [: 00:24:18

Yes.

Marli Williams [: 00:24:18

How can I love people into their greatness and be a vessel for that, a channel for that, a container for transformation? Like transformation happens in this space. I'm here for it. Let's go. Helping people, like, land that.

Preston Smiles [: 00:24:35

Mhmm. Yeah. That's the thing. There's information, there's transformation, and there's demonstration. And the job of the leader is to be sitting in the demonstration. Like literally just who they be exudes the work that we're there to do be in half. And so that's where I go is like, honestly, at this point, because I've just been in this space so long, I don't have to turn it on per se. It's just already who we are.

Preston Smiles [: 00:25:03

And there's a comfortableness in our work as well, because, and I know people do this, but I wanna remind all of you to do it. So with Bridge, it's a living organism, which means it changes based on who's in the room. A lot of times people would just wanna fit everybody into this their stick. Right? It has to be this, has to be this, has to be this. Well, what if it's a different kind of group in there? Sometimes we have a group and they're all of their buttholes are so tight. Everybody's just so uptight. Right? And then we'll have other groups that are just so wild and then their body and feeling everything and like the Akashic records. And they're like so spiritual.

Preston Smiles [: 00:25:41

And so, okay, we can't not, we can't use the same hammer for both of those groups. Right? So to me, if you really wanna take care of your business and scale it and have people wanna invite you back and all of that stuff, I hear that all the time. I get invited back to the same masterminds and they go, you know why we do it? Because every time there's something different, you can literally, even with stuff like this, I have no preparation for what this podcast is gonna be about, but I live this work in such a way that I could spend the next 7 hours talking about it. Can you adjust based on who's in the room? Because that will make people feel so held. Then they'll go, Wait, wait, wait, how is this workshop like this? Well, it's like this because it's who showed up. It's different. We every bridge we do is different. Every single one.

Marli Williams [: 00:26:32

Yeah. I I love that. And I'm thinking about for my own work in the world. It's like constantly trying to find this balance

Preston Smiles [: 00:26:41

Mhmm.

Marli Williams [: 00:26:41

Between, like, the planning and the preparing and the like. You have powerful exercises and activities and, like, things that you do.

Preston Smiles [: 00:26:49

Yes.

Marli Williams [: 00:26:49

You might take some in. You might add some, you know, depending on who's in the room, you have a toolbox.

Preston Smiles [: 00:26:54

Yes.

Marli Williams [: 00:26:55

And kind of a, it's like having enough of a plan or a framework and being able to let go of it at any moment and to meet the moment in such a way that, like, it is different every time and it's also not. Like, I mean, you're not, like, showing up and being like, let's see what happens.

Preston Smiles [: 00:27:15

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely.

Marli Williams [: 00:27:16

And, like, the things that you had people that you walk people through that might look different. So how would you help kind of articulate for those people out there, like they're building their curriculum or their workshop or their event.

Preston Smiles [: 00:27:31

Yes.

Marli Williams [: 00:27:31

And to find that sweet spot, and how did you come up with the curriculum that you have landed on? I'm sure it's like, you know, you've been doing it for 10 years

Preston Smiles [: 00:27:41

Mhmm.

Marli Williams [: 00:27:42

That it's evolved over that time. Yep. But what did that process look like even in creating, like, the first bridge, the first extreme? Like, what was it like at the beginning? How has that evolved and that dance between both?

Preston Smiles [: 00:27:57

Yeah. So here's what's cool about any industry. If you really wanna be have stickability in that industry, you look for the gaps. You look for where Landmark doesn't. You look for where NLP doesn't. You look for where Tony Robbins completely misses, and you fill it in. And that's exactly what we did. We literally were like, nope.

Preston Smiles [: 00:28:17

Oh, that's awesome, but it's missing this. That's amazing, but it's missing this. That's amazing, but it's missing this. And we just put them all together. And then we said, okay. All of these things were set up in such a way that people were afraid to be sued or offend people, but we don't give a fuck. So what if we took the same exercise and just put it on crack? What if we just amplified it so much that like it would scare us? So the 1st workshop Alexei and I ever did together was called the naked truth. And it was a 4 hour workshop.

Preston Smiles [: 00:28:50

That was a nude workshop. And we put it together because we were like, this would scare me, right? This would easily scare me. So if it would scare me, who does all this work, it's nobody's getting out of this thing, right? And to me, that's one of the best ways. So one of the things we teach is head, heart, body, right? So some people will do their workshops or whatever, and they'll do so much head that people just need to get up. They need to stretch. They need to do something. Cause they're like, oh, I'm dying from frameworks and notes. Right? So head hit them in the heart, hit them in the body.

Preston Smiles [: 00:29:28

Sometimes we'll go body, body, head, heart. Sometimes we'll go head, head, body, heart, but there's a, a flow to it because we understand that humans get tired. 1, 2, there's 3 centers of intelligence. So we might as well speak to and work with all 3 centers instead of just one center of intelligence. And so there is a strategy for sure. And here's the piece I want everybody to hear. Pay attention when you're running. Even if you're, when you're doing your stick, comedians do this all the time.

Preston Smiles [: 00:29:58

They will continuously shave off and change jokes based on like, ah, the audience lost it when I did that thing. Or when I said it this way. So we bridge has become what it is because we're actually watching. We're listening. We run an exercise and we'll go, oh shit. You halfway through people damn near fell on the floor. Okay. That we're on to something here.

Preston Smiles [: 00:30:23

Let's definitely keep this one, but, like, what would it look like? Because they're almost losing it, and we don't wanna want them to lose it. So what if we dial this back just a little bit and dial it back up towards the end and add in a little more support here and change this here. And so we're paying attention to our thing. And then what happens is that exercise gets so honed in that, okay, that's in our back pocket now. Next exercise. Now I have 35 exercises that I can just pull from at any given point and go that.

Preston Smiles [: 00:30:52

And it could be something as simple as authentic relating, but like a regular person will do authentic relating, and they'll do it in such a way that it is vanilla. And we'll go, well, let's do authentic relating, but let's make it funny and interesting. Right? So we'll say, first prompt is something I don't want you to see in me that I've been lying about for years is Everybody's like, fuck. Okay. Alright. You're going there. You have to be alright. Right? A place I had sex in that was absolutely amazing is right? And, like, by the time we get through the 5th prompt, people are laughing.

Preston Smiles [: 00:31:28

They're crying. They're like, oh, this is good. Like, this feels like friendship. You know?

Marli Williams [: 00:31:34

Yeah. And I think, again, this that blend of the challenge and support and how do I you know, if you're going to workshops, events, retreats, and you're like, oh, that. And then how do you make it yours? Or how do you amplify it? How do you elevate it? And for your own stuff, hang attention. And that's, again, it's like this level of focusing and or like paying attention to everything that's happening.

Marli Williams [: 00:32:01

And like you said, the refinement process. And that desire to make it even better, even more powerful. And kind of like taking away the pieces that that kind of fell flat or how do we elevate that? How do we take that to the next level? How do we do this? What's the, oh, we did this before that. Maybe we should do this, that before this. Right? Like, and I want to give anybody out there permission that, like, it takes because they're so scared of failing of, you know, that again, the ego starts to show up. And what do you have right now that can serve someone?

Preston Smiles [: 00:32:49

Mhmm.

Marli Williams [: 00:32:49

And maybe it starts with an hour long workshop, a 90 minute workshop. You know, you don't, you might not start with a 2 day seminar or a 5 day retreat.

Marli Williams [: 00:32:59

This idea of like, how can I, and this is one thing that I see you do and that's how you even started? How can I show up and serve right now?

Preston Smiles [: 00:33:07

Yes.

Marli Williams [: 00:33:07

Get off your phone. You're like, you know, with the YouTube videos, share your work in the world and find your voice and find your own unique blend of magic. Right? Because someone might also go to your workshop, you know, I was like, I wanna do that.

Preston Smiles [: 00:33:23

Mhmm.

Marli Williams [: 00:33:23

And then it's like, well, what's my flavor of it? What's my version of it? To not be Preston or Alexi, but to be the most powerful version of me. That's the invitation for everyone. It's like, you might not do a naked workshop, and that is okay. Everybody that is okay unless that's your truth. And, like Yes. For it. You know?

Preston Smiles [: 00:33:44

And to be clear, we no longer have that workshop. There is some nudity in extreme, but it is optional, and people can leave the room and all that good stuff.

Marli Williams [: 00:33:56

Yeah. I love it. And you do, again, such a brilliant job going back to this idea of building that intimacy throughout. Again, like, that section is not day 1.

Preston Smiles [: 00:34:07

No. None of it.

Marli Williams [: 00:34:08

Right? So it's like we've like it's like building to this moment in a way. Mhmm. And what is that moment you're building towards? Mhmm. And one thing that you mentioned from this idea of scaling your business that you said was having team, and that's a place where I'm personally have gotten stuck of like, I have to do it all. And like bringing people on board that can help create those more intimate moments. So what was that process? What did that look like for you to go from, like, the Preston and Alexi show doing that and then starting to have people come back as coaches so that you could build intimacy and in your events and retreats?

Preston Smiles [: 00:34:55

So here's, what's awesome about leadership and transformation is the first person that must be led is the self, right? Can you lead yourself? Can you actually believe in what you're doing? Like, really? Or is it, I'm finding out if I believe, right? And what happens is, is coaches, entrepreneurs, leaders will come to me and they'll say, okay, I I need help, but like, I I can't pay people right now and x, y, and z. And I'll say, so what? Enroll them into the vision, enroll them into where you're going. Share with them that if they're on the ground floor with you building this thing out, what that could look like 4 years, 5 years from now. A lot of people don't care as much. They do want money and care about money, but they're like you. They're just like you. They care about this work. So if they get an opportunity to flex their muscles on your dime, you're you did the marketing, you got people in the room and then they can get clients after and just do a joint venture with you.

Preston Smiles [: 00:35:54

That's a win win for everybody. So for us, that was the big part of it was going, okay, we just did all of this. Like the first bridges and extremes, probably the first three of them, no first five, we had no help. It was just her and I in that room. So everything was done between just 2 people. Now we will have 30 people helping and 10 helping beforehand. And it's just a whole team of people. And a big part of it is it's a win win for everybody.

Preston Smiles [: 00:36:25

And we understand that we know it now. People volunteer because they, they get to learn from us. They get to hold space and they get the opportunity to get clients after without ever having to market to those clients, but getting this role as their small group coach and leader. And all we say is if you get a client, send us 20% of the first contract you have with them, and then they're your client. So it all takes care of itself. But the big piece is understanding that it's your job to enroll people into the vision of what it is and where you're going. And that's a big scary thing for most people because they're like, oh, then I'm on the hook for these people too. It's one thing if I just quit or say, oh, we canceled.

Preston Smiles [: 00:37:09

Right. But if I tell them and them and them and they're all counting on me, then I'm in. Do you believe in you

Marli Williams [: 00:37:19

Enough to, like you said, invite and roll people into the vision? Right? So that is such a good question to ask yourself wherever you're at on this journey. It's like, if you need support and there is that story of like, well, I can't afford help. What does it look like to create a win win for other people that like believe in what you believe in? I think that we all are looking for something to believe in and belong to. We want to be a part of something. And, you know, I've seen you talk about, you know, this idea of scaling your intimate or your business through intimacy and treating your clients like family, but all of the coaches that are around you, like you treat the people, your team in that way, too. You know, how do you value them? How you acknowledge them? How do you appreciate them? How do you help have them feel, you know, so like grateful and honored? Like, oh, my God, you chose me to be a part of this work? Like, and they see it as an opportunity, not an obligation. Right. Right? An opportunity for their own development.

Marli Williams [: 00:38:31

So what speaking of vision, I'm curious, what is your vision for bridge, for extreme, or just like even the vision for transformational work in the world right now, given, again, what you've seen and you're like, these things don't really work. This is the jam. Like, where are we going? Where do you see this space evolving?

Preston Smiles [: 00:38:57

Yes. Well, I'll speak to my dream, our dream right now, and that is to set Bridge and Xtream up in such a way that we don't have to be there anymore. That it can be, there can be 3 of them running at the same time all over the world. And so we're taking a year long apprentice group through helping them. And then in the new year, in January, we'll probably open up another either train the trainer, or we just help people learn how to be really good facilitators like us, or we'll take on a few more apprentices. But the idea is it's this person says, hey. I got Portland and this city. And this person says, hey.

Preston Smiles [: 00:39:35

I got New York and Chicago. And we go out. Everybody's paid well. And it's specifically for the weirdos, the people left of center, the people who don't fit into the regular societal box of what you should be doing. Because, obviously, you know, bridge is a flavor. It's an energy. It's alive. It's not this isn't corporate work.

Preston Smiles [: 00:39:59

This is you know, hopefully, it does get there. Right? But it's rip your heart out of your body work. And the big vision is we stay home and because I don't need to be the star. I don't need to be in front. I started my career as a behind the scenes guy who was pushing other people up front. And eventually, Mary Anne Williamson and Michael Beckwith came to me and said, you need to be in front. Me? They're like, yes, you. You are a star.

Preston Smiles [: 00:40:28

You have that thing, but you're hiding behind the scenes pushing us forward. And I'm like, oh, okay. Maybe. Yeah. And I stepped forward. And so, ideally, you know, we're gonna get in a place where we have 25 facilitators, and we're just running ads and filling up rooms, and they're showing up and getting paid to help people.

Marli Williams [: 00:40:48

Sign me up.

Preston Smiles [: 00:40:49

Mhmm.

Marli Williams [: 00:40:50

This for the next round.

Preston Smiles [: 00:40:51

Yeah. Yeah.

Marli Williams [: 00:40:51

I saw that apprenticeship. I was like, yes, please. That's what I want.

Marli Williams [: 00:40:55

Because it's, you know, again, my my journey has really been like, how do I be the most effective, powerful leader, guide, and facilitator for deep transformation?

Preston Smiles [: 00:41:06

Real time.

Marli Williams [: 00:41:07

And like I said, when I went to bridge and extreme, like, I've done landmark, I've done a lot of the things and it was like this.

Preston Smiles [: 00:41:14

Mhmm.

Marli Williams [: 00:41:14

This is magic because it's different than anything else out there. And taking, you know, you and Alexei combined, like all of the knowledge and wisdom and events and retreats and training that you've done and pouring that in and knowing kind of again where you're at on your journey. Like are you at the front of the room person? Are you behind the scenes person? And again, how do you scale your business and like where are you at in the season of your life and your journey of great, we did this for 10 years and I love it. And this is what I wanna focus on. I wanna be home with my kids, with my family. I wanna enjoy my life. I wanna wait, surf, whatever. You know? Like, this is what I'm up to.

Marli Williams [: 00:41:57

This is what I want. And I believe in this work enough to train people that I believe in. And again, I think that this like just like clients in the room, when you are thinking about training other leaders or coaches or facilitators to facilitate your work, we can get that kind of the founder syndrome, if you will, that it's like the letting go or the grasp thing or the holding tight of, like, kinda no one's gonna do it quite like me.

Preston Smiles [: 00:42:23

Yep.

Marli Williams [: 00:42:24

They're gonna do it like them.

Preston Smiles [: 00:42:25

Exactly. How can

Marli Williams [: 00:42:26

I believe that, again, they get it in a way that I trust them to go out there and, like, share their own unique blend of magic with the world?

Preston Smiles [: 00:42:38

We haven't even addressed any of the content in the apprenticeship. We're putting them through so much other stuff just around their own embodiment so that when we give them the content, it's like, yo, Artie, I'm landed in this mother, you know, because we don't want people to be like us. We want them to bring their own magic, but to be out of their way enough where their own magic can be seen and heard and held. Because a lot of people think they're better than they actually are. And, again, the standard that we have for people doing these, because bridge can get wild, they can get crazy, it can get, you know, in your face. And so we need facilitators that have so much range that they can be over here in tears holding someone in the most vulnerable moment and doing cartwheels over here and, like, addressing something in the room and laying the hammer down on what is and isn't okay in this space. Mhmm.

Marli Williams [: 00:43:33

Yeah. So as a facilitator, what is your range?

Preston Smiles [: 00:43:36

Yes.

Marli Williams [: 00:43:37

What is your capacity to go deep, hold that space, to be there, to and to not fix it? And that's the to not make someone wrong, you know, all these things. And but to just say, I got you. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere.

Preston Smiles [: 00:43:53

Mhmm.

Marli Williams [: 00:43:54

And to, like, be super, you know, playful and bring the energy and the weather and, like, knowing what is needed in that moment. And that it's like facilitation is such an art. It's a dance. And, like, that's why I love it so much. Like, it's like when you like, coaching and speaking and all these different things you could be like. And when I talk about the word facilitation, it's like not the most sexy word.

Preston Smiles [: 00:44:22

Mhmm.

Marli Williams [: 00:44:23

It's like facilitate I mean, I've tried it, you know, I did like this epic facilitator training. Like, how do you help people understand? And, like, the and it's really funny because when I was at Bridge, the invitation for me was to step into my sexiness

Preston Smiles [: 00:44:40

Mhmm.

Marli Williams [: 00:44:40

As a as a human or just, like, kinda, like, owning that space. But and not that facilitation needs to be sexy. But I think this idea that it is, I think, the most powerful leadership skill.

Preston Smiles [: 00:44:52

Mhmm.

Marli Williams [: 00:44:52

That's not taught to most people.

Preston Smiles [: 00:44:56

Not at all.

Marli Williams [: 00:44:57

And it's like there's all this coach training and speaker training out there. But this idea of I'm like, there's this again, it's like this missing piece in the transformation space. Like and the question is like, how do I create transformation? And that is through facilitation. How would you describe or explain that? Yes.

Preston Smiles [: 00:45:18

Well, here's the interesting thing. The if you're a really good facilitator, you're gonna be an amazing coach and an amazing speaker. But you can be amazing speaker and be a shitty facilitator. You can be an amazing coach and be miles away from a good facilitator. The thing that literally feeds in all directions is this word called facilitation. When you understand what is needed in a moment, and you can pull and story tell and collapse and then hold the audience, the rest of the people and tie it back to them, all this person is going through what they're going through, and then walk away and let air let it air out so that they sit in it. Like there is so much artistry that goes into this space. And I love that you're a nerd like me in that way.

Preston Smiles [: 00:46:05

And you understand. That's what I said people don't realize how good we are until they start to try to do it. And they're like, Oh, fuck. That's like masterful, what you guys are doing. And we know it because we've been in this space so long. We're facilitation nerds. We're like, yo, we just murdered that. Right? But the proof is in the pudding, right? It's like, how do people walk out of your rooms? That's the main metric for us.

Preston Smiles [: 00:46:30

I can show off all day, but the metric is, was I honoring of the space in such a way that each individual walked out of there going, okay. Holy shit. Like, nobody gets to hide. Nobody gets to skate by. Everybody comes out going, oh, okay. I just got my ass handed to me, and I got work to do. And I'm grateful.

Marli Williams [: 00:46:55

And to and again, that it is what you do is so masterful and being in that room of like, okay, I'm here as a participant, but I'm also like looking at all of these things and I'm like, this is quality. And again, I want people to know that it takes time.

Preston Smiles [: 00:47:13

Yes, it does.

Marli Williams [: 00:47:13

To become masterful at anything.

Preston Smiles [: 00:47:16

Mhmm.

Marli Williams [: 00:47:17

Who you surround yourself with and the spaces and places you choose to be in will exponentially, you know, like will expedite that journey in that process and to get feedback on who you're being and how you're showing up. And feedback 1 is like from the people in the room, like how are they leaving? What is landing? What is the transformation that actually occurs in the spaces?

Preston Smiles [: 00:47:43

Here's the last thing I'm gonna say because I gotta go pick up my kids from school.

Marli Williams [: 00:47:46

You got it.

Preston Smiles [: 00:47:47

One of the biggest lessons I got, and it took years for me to really get it, was to not have to have people walk out happy. Like a willingness to, like, cut someone so deep and then let them sit in the cut, like, as they bleed out in the best way. Right? The good guy in me always wants to come and fix and bandage everyone up. But like, the longer I've been in this space, the more I'm like, no, no, no, no. Let's let her sit in that overnight. Let's see what how that plays out over the next 24 hours. And like not needing to make everybody feel good as a way that it means that it was great. Huge.

Marli Williams [: 00:48:27

Game changer. Yeah. Beautiful. Thank you. I love that as a final way to wrap things up. So if people wanna learn more about you, Bridge, Extreme, your work in the world, where can people find you, all the things.

Preston Smiles [: 00:48:47

prestonsmiles.com or thebridgemethod.org. We got a one in Australia coming up depending on how soon this is out and another one in January in Austin, and we'll have plenty next year.

Marli Williams [: 00:48:58

Beautiful. Well, I just wanna say thank you from the bottom of my heart for spending time with us today, for sharing your wisdom, your work, your heart, your love with the people out there. Thank you to all of you out there listening. Appreciate you. Share this. Love it. Like it. Spread the word.

Marli Williams [: 00:49:15

All the good things. And until next time, take care. Thanks, Preston. Thank you for joining us on another inspiring episode of the Marli Williams Podcast. We hope you're leaving here with renewed energy and valuable insights to fuel your leadership, coaching, and speaking endeavors. I'd love to invite you to subscribe, rate, and review this podcast to help us reach more aspiring leaders and speakers like you. We have more exciting episodes and remarkable guests lined up, so make sure to tune in next time. Until then, keep leading with purpose, coaching with heart, and speaking with conviction.

Marli Williams [: 00:49:57

This is Marli Williams signing off. See you next week.