Navigating Grief and Growth: Lessons from Saying Goodbye to my Soul Dog Summit -68

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Marli Williams [: 00:00:05

Hey everyone, what's happening? I am super stoked to welcome you to the Marli Williams Podcast where we will explore authentic leadership, transformational facilitation, and how to create epic experiences for your audiences every single time. I am your host, Marli Williams, bringing you thought provoking insights, expert interviews and actionable strategies to unlock your potential as a leader, facilitator and speaker. Thank you for joining me on this journey of growth, transformation and impact. Let's lead together. The Marli Williams Podcast begins now. Let's dive in.

Marli Williams [: 00:00:47

Well, hey everybody, what is happening? Welcome back to the Marli Williams Podcast where this week I'm gonna get raw, I'm gonna get real, and I'm going to share what has been happening in my world, my heart and my life, which is that I had to say goodbye to my soul dog companion, Summit Dog, this week. And it was one of the hardest, most excruciating things that I have ever done. I got Summit when she was 8 weeks old. I was 27. Feels like a lifetime ago. I had just gotten done with grad school. I was living up in Bellingham, Washington at the time. And I remember seeing this ad on Craigslist, no pictures that just said, lab hound shepherd makes puppies 50 bucks.

Marli Williams [: 00:01:49

And it was on a farm not too far from my house. And I said, you know, I'm gonna go down there. Went by myself to go check out the puppies. And they said there were eight puppies. And I remember getting to the farm that day and it's crazy because I know that there were other puppies there, but she was the only one that I saw. And she had one white paw and this big star on her chest. And she was just a little guy, little thing.

Marli Williams [: 00:02:20

And I remember seeing her and I was like, that is my dog. There she is. Like, no hesitation, no questions. I didn't meet any of the other dogs. I didn't pet in any of the other dogs. It was like, she is the one. And I love nature. People ask me all the time, how did you come up with the name Summit? And I'm like, you know, I love hiking, I love nature, I love the mountains.

Marli Williams [: 00:02:45

And it's like I knew that she was my dog and I knew Summit was her name. And it was just like, there was just this knowing. And I feel like there is this like energetic, soul level connection. And it's like a soul agreement in a way that we make with our, with our animals where we say, you know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna love you unconditionally. You're gonna Love me unconditionally. And we're in this together. And, you know, there's that whole quote of, like, did I. Who rescued who? Right? Who saved who? And I feel so deeply in my heart that she was such a gift to me at that time in my life of figuring out who I am.

Marli Williams [: 00:03:30

And I was going through a breakup at the time, and, you know, we were living in my friend's garage. We were going all over the place. And it's like, you know, I think about from where I was to where I am now, and that she's been on that journey with me every step of the way. There is this, like, love that goes so deep and almost inexplicable. Like, it's almost hard to describe because, you know, I feel like I've spent more time with Summit than I have, you know, my partner, my friends, my family. Like, we have been on a journey together. And, you know, again, this. This agreement that we make to each other, to love each other, knowing that there will be this deep loss when they leave.

Marli Williams [: 00:04:16

And I think that the hardest part for me as I've navigated this process, really, I would say almost over the past, like, six months to a year, as she's been aging and dealing with some health challenges, is this excruciating decision to make of when is it time to let her go? And, like, how much pain is she in? How much is she suffering and feeling like you're playing God? It's like, well, I don't want to do it too soon, and I don't want to wait too long. And. And there's this thing that they talk about, especially with animals, is this kind of anticipatory grief. And there was a lot of that for me over the past, I would say, like, six months of, like, anticipating, like, well, well, when is it going to happen and how is it going to happen, and how do I make this decision? And I don't want to let her go, but I don't want her to suffer. And, you know, for those of you out there listening, it's like, that is such a hard call to make. And everybody says, you'll know and they'll tell you and all these things. And I'm like, I don't know if I think in May, I could feel that it was getting close, or maybe in May is like, I kind of acknowledged her immortality. You know, I think sometimes we get puppies, and they're gonna live forever.

Marli Williams [: 00:05:35

Like, you're never allowed to leave. That's. This is the deal. So I Feel like, you know, it was about five months ago when I really just, like, acknowledged the immortality and, like. And I remember I was in Zion. I was at this retreat, this event in the desert, and I could just feel her energy, her soul, like, so strongly. And I was like, oh, my gosh. Like, it felt really intense and really heavy.

Marli Williams [: 00:06:01

And I was like, I just kind of let myself feel the gravity of that. And I cried and I cried and I said, I, you know, I think it's time, or. And then I came back and I said, you know, one day at a time, and I'm just gonna, you know, make some of the phone calls and do some of the research of how this whole process works of having someone, you know, come into the home and do the whole thing. And I was like, I want to honor her life. And I kept thinking to myself, I was like, I know that this is going to be so hard and feel impossible. And I think, like, I'm like, the only thing that. That will give me peace is to, like, know that I did the right thing for her, knowing that I did the right thing to honor her, to honor her life. And knowing I just kept saying, like, I want her to know how much I love her.

Marli Williams [: 00:06:46

And, you know, one of the things that I did over the past, you know, few weeks kind of leading up was I went through all my photos on my phone and put them all in a folder called Summit Dog, and it felt so healing and powerful, and, I mean, lots of tears, my friend. Lots of tears. But looking back at this life that she got to live and all of the adventures that we got to go on and all the things that we got to do from sailing and paddle boarding and hiking and backpacking and camping and all the places we lived and moving and all the little roommates she had. She had Cupcake and Guapo and Sagan and Journey and all these little, you know, her puppy friends that she's now up playing with over the rainbow bridge. And I feel like, again, having this piece in my heart of, like, man, I really gave her, like, the best dog life ever. And it also made me realize, like, how much she has aged, because I saw all of these pictures without, you know, no gray in her face and, like, healthy and happy and tongue out and chasing balls and, like, doing all these things and realizing, like, that she's. Her body was wearing out. Body was wearing out.

Marli Williams [: 00:08:01

And again, yeah, I think just going through this process, and I. I watched a video that really spoke to me, like, the week leading up to the day. And it said to think about what was the. You know, we've all learned lessons from our animals. I think I've learned a lot from Summit about unconditional love and rest and how important that is. And they said there's a. What is their gift to you in their death? What's the lesson that you're meant to learn through that process? And I really sat with that question. And I think one of my biggest challenges sometimes has been to trust myself.

Marli Williams [: 00:08:45

And one of the things that I had been doing was asking other people and, like, I feel like I wanted someone else to give me permission, someone else to tell me, hey, this is okay, and it's time and you're doing the right thing. And it's interesting, even though people had. Had said that and did say that, I still had to believe it myself. Like, I had to really. I think, like, the lesson in this process has been, like, how much can I trust myself and not second guess and not question and to know in my heart of hearts how much I love this dog and how much I want to honor her and have it be, like, the most loving, peaceful, final nap into this next adventure that she's on in the spirit world. And I think the other lesson, you know, it's like there was something else in that. That video said it was something like, they leave when they're. When they know you're ready.

Marli Williams [: 00:09:46

And what struck me was like, okay, well, what did Summit teach me and show? And how did she teach me? By just showing me. And she loves me unconditionally. That's what animals do. And I think that her message to me that I'm taking away is, hey, mom, it's time to do that for yourself. It's time to love yourself unconditionally. Just like I have loved you unconditionally for all these years. Like, you. You can do this on your own now.

Marli Williams [: 00:10:16

You don't need me anymore. You got this. I helped you kind of get to this point, but it's like, you. You're ready. You're ready to trust yourself and believe in yourself and love yourself unconditionally without me. And you know, what I kept hearing from her was like, I'm not going anywhere. And that I am more with you now than you will ever know. And, I mean, the night after she had.

Marli Williams [: 00:10:41

It's like I could just, Like, I could feel her energy. I could hear her voice, almost like her presence. And she was like, I'm okay, and you're going to be okay. And, you know, I know I might get woo woo here for four people out there listening. But she just kept saying, like, I am your connection to Source. She's like, if you need anything, let me know. And I feel like I've been working on cultivating my connection to Source, the universe, something bigger than me. And I believe that this, like, Summit's passing is a portal into this kind of other realm of believing in.

Marli Williams [: 00:11:23

In that. I think I. I think there's a part of me that believes that, but I. It's like I don't know what happens when we die. You know, it's like. I'm like. It's like Summit was here and now she's not. You know? But I do believe that she's here and not in physical form, but like, her soul, her spirit is.

Marli Williams [: 00:11:40

She's like my guardian angel spirit dog who's looking after me, watching over me. And that gives me a sense of peace and just also knowing that she's not in pain anymore. She's like. I mean, while this process was happening, you know, again, I. I had someone come to the home who was amazing, and I had Liz and Jen and my two other good friends, Brittany and Lisette were there to have this, like, really the ceremony and, like, really this honoring of Summit and her life and to, like, have a peaceful passing. And as that process was happening, she just looked back at me, and I just could feel her energy. Just say thank you.

Marli Williams [: 00:12:22

And she didn't seem scared. She didn't run away. She just laid down and she felt like. I feel complete. Like I did all the things I came here to do. I helped you get to this point, and, like, you're ready, Mom. Like, you're ready to do this. You're okay.

Marli Williams [: 00:12:37

You're gonna be okay. And it's time. And I know that maybe I sound strong right now in this moment. There's. I'm like. I think my tear ducts are empty for today. I emptied them out already. I think the morning and the night are the hardest.

Marli Williams [: 00:12:54

Probably just waking up and not having her there and going to bed and not having her around. And, you know, there was also this element of. Of anxiety because she would, especially towards the end, like, wake up in the middle of the night and bark and need to go out and come back in. And she had doggy dementia and just kind of, again, got sundowning and confused at night. And. And so there is this, like. There's an energy of. Of peace because there.

Marli Williams [: 00:13:19

I felt like. She just felt. There was, like, this restless energy, this restlessness and now I joke. Liz and I were joking. I'm like, summit has just been following us around for the past five months, just saying, are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready? Because she would just be like, at your feet. You're cooking dinner. You get out of the shower. You know, she was just, like, right there.

Marli Williams [: 00:13:41

I think she's like, I'm ready when you are, Mom. Let's fucking go. Let's get up. Like, I'm ready to get out of here and get out of this. This meat suit and into the spirit world. You know, I think that Summit has a pretty good sense of humor. I had two mediums who, you know, in this process of asking for permission, I'm like, I just want Summit to tell me that it's okay, you know? So I'm like, asking all these people, like, talk to my dog. And the other thing that I had to realize was, like, this was another lesson.

Marli Williams [: 00:14:10

Another. Oh, here. Before I say the other lesson, they just said. Both of these people that didn't know that the other person said that Summit said, hey, mom, it's not that serious. Like, I'm good. It's okay. You're. You're, like, making this a big deal.

Marli Williams [: 00:14:24

It's not that serious. But the. One of the lessons that I learned was, where am I outsourcing my inner knowing? Where am I giving my power away to someone else? Like, tell me that this talk is okay. Tell me that my website's okay. Tell me that this message is okay. Tell me that, you know, in seeking that validation from outside myself and, you know, what I had to tell myself and realize is, like, no one knows Summit better than I do. That's the truth. I am the only one that has been with her since she was a pup.

Marli Williams [: 00:15:00

Been with her throughout this whole 15 years. And it's like, we're all way more intuitive, I think, than we give ourselves credit for. And really, like, tuning into her soul and her spirit and really seeing this as, like. As hard as it was. Like, this is, like, the most loving gift that I could give her is a peaceful exit. And, you know, I'm sure I could have. She could have stayed alive for another week or two or maybe a month. I don't know.

Marli Williams [: 00:15:28

Like, I could have waited until she fell down the stairs and hurt herself or there was something, like, she had to get surgery for something that happened. Like. And it's like. And it was what could have been, like, an emergency in the middle of the night or something. And it's like, instead, it Got to be just this, like, beautiful, excruciatingly hard ceremony where we got to be really intentional. And she was getting treats and chocolate and snacks and cuddles and love, so much love. And just fell asleep. And it was, again, I was bawling my eyes out.

Marli Williams [: 00:16:05

So many tears. Just telling her how much I love her and just how grateful I am for her. And so, you know, she's just. And, like, really having so much gratitude for the lessons that I've learned from her. And, like, every day, I'm taking time to reflect on that and tune into her. Tune into her energy and her spirit and know that she's like, she's right here. She just keeps saying, I'm right here. I'm with you.

Marli Williams [: 00:16:33

I'm watching over you. I'm cheering you on. I'm supporting you. And, like, yeah, I keep hearing this, like, I'm your connection to source and to spirit. And there is something bigger. And I mean, it's not to say that it has, again, been the hardest thing that I've ever done. And the pain is real. The pain is raw.

Marli Williams [: 00:16:55

The pain is deep. And I wrote on a post the other day about this journey, and what I said was, the harsh beauty of grief is that it reveals how deeply you loved and, you know, for anyone out there who has lost a friend, family member, pet, soul, companion, my heart goes out to you. You know, I don't think that the pain goes away. Grief is not a linear process. It doesn't, like, get fixed, and it isn't anything to fix. And I think one thing that I feel really proud of myself is that I've really let myself feel deeply, like, feel the loss and wail and bawl and cry and, like, you know, because I think it's like, if we don't allow ourselves to feel it, we can't heal it. And to know that it comes, and it will come in waves. It will hit us at the most unexpected moments.

Marli Williams [: 00:17:53

And it's important to acknowledge our humanity as people, as humans, as leaders, and that life will. Life you. And things will happen. Like losing an animal, a pet, a friend, a family member, like death, you know, in this world is. Is inevitable. And I am just trying to have, you know, compassion for myself, grace for myself. You know, maybe I haven't got as much done this week or been as productive or gotten as many things done, and it's like, it's okay. It'll all get done and to just be patient with ourselves in the process, right? And it happened on, like, Summit Passed away on Monday, October 13, which is typically Columbus Day, which is now officially Summit Day, because we don't need to celebrate Columbus day anymore.

Marli Williams [: 00:18:49

So October 13, marking your calendars is Summit Day. And that will always be my day every year to love on her, acknowledge her, celebrate her. And on Summit Day, you get all the treats. You get all the treats, whatever you want to stay up late, sleep in, eat the chocolate, do the things. So I have that. That day marked in my calendar to really honor her. And, you know, I think I just wanted to get on here and. And share that journey with you all out there who are navigating any form of grief to know that you are not alone.

Marli Williams [: 00:19:25

And, you know, for you out there, who are, you know, your leaders, your coaches, your speakers, it's like, well, how do I show up to do the work when life. Life's me. And I shared this in my. In the Hell Yes. Speaker academy last week with. With someone in there who was going through some things with their animal, actually. And I just said, you know, what's really beautiful is that you get to bring this tenderness and this tenderheartedness to the work. And I think sometimes when we go through hard things and we are coaches or speakers, we're like, wait, we gotta have all the answers and have it all figured out and override that.

Marli Williams [: 00:20:02

And I think that sometimes just we can acknowledge our humanity, and that is actually what builds that trust and that rapport with our audience, with our community, with our clients, to say, hey, this is what is up for me. This is what I'm going through. And there's a lot of people that can relate to that, because if we don't acknowledge comes out sideways and people can feel it, they're like, what's up with Marli? What's going on? And it's like, oh, if I'm honest and open and transparent and sharing that, it can actually build intimacy and build trust and build rapport and build that connection. And when people know how much you care, they care how much you know, right? And you can just share your heart, share your love, share your humanity. And, you know, what do they say? No one gets out of here alive. And I think that it's also a reminder of our immortality that we aren't going to be around forever. And so it's like, what do I want to do with my. As Mary Oliver says, you're one wild and precious life, you know, so where are we playing small? Where are we holding back? Where are we not going all in on ourselves, on our dreams, on our goals on our vision, like, what is it that we want to do? Who do we want to be? How do we want to show up? And how do you want to be remembered? You know, what are the lessons that you want people to learn from you in your through your life and through how you show up and who you are being in the world? And are we living our lives intentionally and on purpose each and every day to honor that, to honor the immortality and really the brevity of our time here? And at the end of my days, I want to look back and say, just like somebody did.

Marli Williams [: 00:21:48

Like, you know, I did the thing, I showed up, I played full out, I went on the adventures, I said yes to my life, I took risks and I made the most of my time here. And so that is my invitation for you, my friends, is how can you make the most of your time here living your one wild and precious life and to love yourself completely and unconditionally along the way. So thank you Summit, for the lessons, for the learnings, for the adventures, for the all of the memories, all of the moments, all the cuddles, all the kisses, all the tails wagging when I got home from a trip, for always believing in me, for always seeing me, loving me, no matter what. So this episode is dedicated to Summit Dog, my soul dog and now my spirit guide up in the spirit world, guiding us all to be true to ourselves and live our best life each and every day. Here's to youo Summit. Thank you all so much for tuning in this week for a tender hearted solo episode on my journey of saying goodbye to my soul dog Summit. And for all of those out there who are healing or grieving a loved one, I'm sending you all so much love and light and healing and know that their love and light lives within you. Lots of love.

Marli Williams [: 00:23:23

Until next time, take care.

Marli Williams [: 00:23:28

Thank you for joining us on another inspiring episode of the Marli Williams Podcast. We hope you're leaving here with renewed energy and valuable insights to fuel your leadership, coaching and speaking endeavors. I'd love to invite you to subscribe, rate and review this podcast to help us reach more aspiring leaders and speakers like you. We have more exciting episodes and remarkable guests lined up, so make sure to tune in next time. Until then, keep leading with purpose, coaching with heart, and speaking with conviction. This is Marli Williams signing off. See you next week.